


Spring's Song

by Achini



Category: INFINITE (Band)
Genre: Birthday, Childhood Friends, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:15:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23828191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Achini/pseuds/Achini
Summary: Sung Gyu and Gaeul are childhood friends who'd been standing on the edge of friends to something more when they parted ways. After nineteen years of virtual contact, the two meet again. They are different, their lives are different. Yet, as a song connects their fates together, would their relationship eventually change?
Relationships: Kim Sunggyu/Original Character(s)





	Spring's Song

* * *

According to Greek mythology, soulmates were originally round, perhaps (given the shape) revolting beings who started off attached together as one. They were either male and male, female and female or female and male, connected to one another with two heads, four feet and two pairs of arms, rolling about with each other. At some point, they’d decided it was a smart move to attack Zeus, who, back then, had been up on mount Olympus. Although there was no clear explanation as to how the round beings ascended to the peak, it’s said that they’ve succeeded in attacking Zeus for no apparent reason, angering him as a result. It was for this reason that he’d split them apart; men off their male or female counterparts, left to wander in search of their other halves. Unfortunately for them, their genitals have been on their backs, without which they were unable to locate their other halves. Zeus, at that point, being a good Samaritan and turning the situation to his own benefit had somehow changed the placement of their sexual organs, given them torsos, belly buttons and nipples (which explained why males also had nipples which had no apparent use) in hopes they would find each other so that they would find pleasure, procreate and produce more of their kind. Human race, since then, would wander through their lifetime, their soul purpose being finding their other half. Zeus’s ultimate expectation was for the human race to multiply and grow in size so that he’d have more people to worship him for his satisfaction. And that’s how soulmates were born. 

Sung Gyu remembered this, though not in exact detail, from what he’d read for his classical literature class. It’s been a long time since then, and he was pretty sure he’d probably read perhaps more fascinating pieces during the time of his course, but this particular piece had really stuck with him. He wasn’t certain why it did, what about it that had gripped him, or even if he believed a single word that he’d read. But one thing, for him, was certain. And that was that it had everything to do with the thin chrome ring that glistened on his right hand. 

Sung gyu could still recall that day ever so vividly, the feel of wind in his hair, dust in his eyes, the heat of late summer sun upon his skin. Standing before him, she couldn’t have been anywhere past his shoulders, and her long wavy hair kept gliding across her face with the wind. Strands of it stuck to her lips as she struggled to push her fringes behind her ears; they were small half circles, turning crimson on the edges like petals of rose. He did think she was beautiful back then. After all, she was his first love.

“Do you really have to go?” He’d asked her, and he was certain he’d asked her this about a hundred times by then. “Why can't you just stay? Just a little longer?”

It was the light brown-ness of her eyes, he thought, that drew her to him. He could remember how breathtaking she looked when her eyes filled up, like two tiny lakes on sunny mornings. 

“I can't’” She replied, lowering her head. The scruffed front of her sneakers kept digging into the dry sand. He remembered those shoes. It was the same pair she wore when they went to the lake bank the other day. “My whole family is going, everyone is going”

“What about your grandma?” Sung Gyu pushed on. Sung gyu knew her grandma well, only because she made the best bibimbap in the whole town. 

“She doesn’t want to go, she said” She replied, her voice small, coated with remorse.

“Maybe you can stay with her then” Sung Gyu told her hopefully, took a step ahead towards her. “At least...at least until we start middle school”

There wasn’t much time left until elementary school ended. And having started elementary school together, the only innocent little wish he had was to end elementary school together.

“My mum said that we’ll be staying for a long time. We wouldn’t even come back…” She finally raised her head to look at him better; a heavy wind blew, and he could remember so well how her tears fell and strands of hair stuck to her pale cheeks. “How can I stay without them? My whole family…”

“Then what about me?” Sung Gyu asked, his voice hoarse as he was about to cry himself. He took another step forward and clenched his fists. “I can’t...I can’t live without you either…”

And that was the truth. Sung Gyu couldn’t exactly remember how far back their past together went, but he felt like he’d known her from the point his life began. He’d learned about something similar in math class. They called it a constant. While the constant stayed the same in an equation, everything else changed. That’s what she was to him. They’d lived in the same neighbourhood, her house in the far left corner, just at where the lane ended while his was towards the left, just a block away. As they lived in a private lane, nobody else came, and none of their parents could drive. So the road in front of their houses was all for them to play in. Sung Gyu had played house together, and explorers sometimes, or detectives, pretending that a bunch of her dolls were dead people. During the football season, his parents would order chicken and invite them over to watch the match together. She wasn’t interested in the games; she only came for the chicken and he knew. They started school together, had lunch together, walked back home together. On rainy days when they couldn’t play outside, they’d sneak out to the road in oversized raincoats and watched as their measly paper boats disappeared down the stream. They got beaten up together for playing in the rain, caught colds together, got well together. There was nothing that they didn’t do together, as if they were a pair of hands and feet that were always in sync. It was hard to imagine a life without her. For Sung Gyu, it would be like trying to eat without a spoon.

It was evident, despite her words, that she shared the sentiment too. “You can try….we can talk on the phone…” She said.

“But that wouldn’t be the same”

“I know” She dug the sandy ground with her shoe even more. He gazed at her for a minute, on the verge of giving up. He had tried everything that he could, said everything that he could think of. He was only thirteen. There was only so much that a kid his age could do.

Sung Gyu screwed his lips. “Is there anything...anything that I could do to make you stay?” He asked her in the end.

“Anything?” She perked up.

“Anything” He nodded and lowered his head. “I don’t know what else I can do...or say”

She didn’t reply, and they were quiet for a long, long time. The wind continued to blow, dust continued to get in their eyes. In the background, swings creaked by themselves, trees rustled, cicadas sang. Sung Gyu thought back to every movie he’d seen, every book he read, every song he’d sang; sometimes it was things like this that gave him the answer.

Then he knew that there was just one thing he’d always wanted to do. He’d seen it in movies, he’d read a book where it worked. It would be sweet, the book read. And girls liked it. They liked it a lot. It made them feel important, and loved. It could possibly even make them stay. He’d never had the courage to do it; but at that moment when he was young and naive and everything appeared possible, when he’d finally gathered the last ounce of courage he had and everything that he wanted at that moment was holding her back from going away, Sung Gyu became stronger and bolder than ever before.

“Then what if…” He started and took long strides towards her. She looked surprised, her eyes widened, her light brown irises shining like little amber pools. “What if I did this? Would you stay?”

He was really close to her at that time. When she spoke, he could feel the sweetness of strawberries in her breath. “If you did what?”

“Kissed you” He said, and when she froze to her spot, her lips parted and eyes widened even further, he closed the hairthread of a gap between them and kissed her on her lips.

This little promise of forever would then stay with them for a long, long time.

  
  


She did leave eventually. Even the best, strongest kiss in the world wouldn’t have held her back. But it did, however, change a lot of things.

On the day of their move, Sung Gyu stood outside on the porch with his parents and his sister, the memories of their first kiss fresh in his mind and a heavy weight in his heart, trying not to cry. Their parting would leave a gaping whole in his heart. But she did try to patch it up the best she could, leaving a fragment of her behind with him, a little token, a chrome ring that was a tad too big for even his thumb.

“It’s oppa’s. He bought them for him and his girlfriend, but she left him, you know” She told him as they awkwardly stood on the front porch, watching her parents load the lorries. 

He winced, because he’d heard it didn’t feel great to be dumped. At least he got the ring, though. It was a very nice ring as well. It was cold to the touch and caught the afternoon sun in a way that the patterns on its inside began to shine. 

“Can I keep it?” He asked her.

“That one is yours” She said, nodding at him and opened her other fist, revealing another similar ring, albeit smaller. “And this one is mine”

“Like couple-rings” He said, feeling a little embarrassed by his finding.

“Don’t say that, we’re not a couple” She replied, her cheeks turning red. They’d kissed, they’d had their first kiss. Why they weren’t a couple, however, was beyond him. They were still thirteen still. Thirteen year olds couldn’t be a couple; he guessed it was in the law.

“Will you come back?” He asked her the inevitable, shifting the topic.

“I don’t know” She shrugged in response. “Maybe, maybe not”

“It’s fine,” He said, quite boldly for a child his age. “I will find you”

He thought, back then, and he still thought that that’s how Soulmates found themselves.

  
  
  


Nearly twenty years had passed since then, and Sung Gyu was still surprised by how fast the time had gone by. It felt like yesterday since he left Jeonju and settled in Seoul, although it’s already been twelve years. So much could happen in twelve years, and for him, within that time, life changed so much that he couldn’t find himself again. 

At one point, he was a soldier; the next, a college student juggling two jobs and a degree at the same time. The next he was a dreamer. Taking audition after audition, singing, composing, crying in the bathroom at three am in the night while clutching the hand he burnt when he was trying to put dinner together, that moment being his last straw. All of a sudden, he was a singer with three albums and one high selling song, appearing on billboards and music chart shows, singing his heart out, living his dream. It wasn’t a long lived dream, as it happened. Like most good things, it didn’t last too long. Dreams were so fragile, like thin glass. Their wings so soft, like of a butterfly; a single touch would destroy it to the point it couldn’t fly again. Three years later, he was battling for his rights in court, a losing fight to retrieve everything that he’d worked for. At the end of it all, he was a washed-up idol, stranded on the shore like a shell without its pearl, lost and forgotten, unknown to the world.

Twenty years too, could change a lot of things. But Sung Gyu did know just one thing that never did. 

Rain was particularly hard that spring. His suede boots were damp, his shoulders were drizzled on, and his umbrella sheltered him from the rain like a looming monster above. He didn’t usually walk to places; physical activities as such were especially exhausting for him. Had he calculated the day and the time right, had he seen the weather reports he wouldn’t have taken to walk that night. But it’s been long since he’d accepted that he frequently made badly calculated moves.

The restaurant, thankfully, was just on the side of the road a few blocks away from where he lived. The entrance was lightened with fairy lights hung on jade green plastic branches; the rusty old chairs and cocktail stools kept outside were drenched by the rain. He closed his umbrella and eased into the bin that was designated for similar umbrella’s like his own. As the automated doors opened, he was welcomed by the warm, cozy atmosphere inside. It wasn’t crowded as much, with just a few tables occupied by couples and groups of people, chattering amongst themselves. The ambiance was amiable, a perfect setting for a long awaited reunion and perhaps even for reminiscents of 32 years of his life.

He approached the counter, and the pleasant lady behind the mahogany table welcomed him with a smile. 

“I’ve made a reservation…”

“Name, Sir?” The receptionist briskly slid her fingers across a screen.

“Sung Gyu. Kim Sung Gyu”

“A table for two, sir?”

“That’s right” He smiled. It was strange to even think of a table for two, after all he’d been through.

“Table number nineteen…” The lady muttered to herself, swiped on the screen some more, and yet another pleasant waitress approached him. “Please, come with me”

Sung Gyu was led to a table for two in the furthest corner of the hall, one facing the vast glass panel overlooking the street. The table was laid, menus were brought in, glasses got filled; and then he had to wait.

Sung Gyu wasn’t particularly keen on waiting; he grew frustrated easily, for he had done a lot of waiting all his life. Time was daunting for him, for he always felt that it moved so slow, as if his life and only his life was lagging far behind. If he were in a race, he’d have been the first in the line but two whole laps behind.

That night too, he waited. For how long, he couldn’t exactly recall. It was after ages that he finally had company. He felt the shift in the air around him, and somebody slipped into the empty chair before him. He glanced up, his eyes absorbing the sight before him. Her dark waves hair passed the length of her shoulders, with rather lovely amber pools for eyes. Her shirt was wine red, a striking contrast to the slight tan of her skin. He gazed at the other for a split of a second and sighed.

“You’re at the wrong table,” He said.

“Am I?” The woman replied. She appeared completely unperturbed by his reaction and her smile remained. “Well, that’s a shame…” She sighed dramatically, and he noticed how her eyes fell upon his hands which held a menu open before him.

“That’s a lovely ring you have…” She told him. “Looks familiar….pretty sure I’ve seen it somewhere…”

Sung Gyu looked above the menu, and she held his gaze. “You know you’re really bad at this, right?” He informed her in the end.

“Drop the act Sung Gyu...I know your face too well” She replied.

Sung Gyu finally set the menu aside and smiled. It was a perfect day, a perfect start for what would have been a terrible, terrible night. “It’s been too long,” He said, smiling warmly for the first time after so long. “Far too long, Kim Gaeul”

  
  


It was almost as if he and Gaeul never parted ways. Despite living away from each other, they’ve still found time and put effort to catch up on each other’s lives. Regardless, it’s been nineteen years since he’d last seen her in person. Kim Gaeul was still the Kim Gaeul that he’d always known; loud, quirky, and honest; her smile was sincere, her words so eloquent. She could be quite timid and quiet in odd moments, becoming a completely different person altogether. During the time that they’ve called and exchanged letters or texts over the phone, he’d grown to learn what ways she had changed and what perks had stayed the same. Kim Gaeul who, back then associated with just one boy (himself) had ended up dating so many to the point that she didn’t want to date anymore, ultimately concluding that men were trash. Kim Gaeul who used to be terrified of climbing down the lake bank to dip their feet in water and even crossing the road was now always found conquering high hills. Kim Gaeul who used to be somewhere in the bottom in her class (just like himself) had obtained two degrees in natural sciences and now worked as an environmentalist. Thankfully, Sung Gyu had been a part of her journey, at least bits and pieces of it. And he too, was proud beyond words.

And he also had to admit, finally meeting her after so many years, she was far more beautiful than he remembered. 

Conversations flowed naturally between them, almost as if they were picking up exactly where they left off. She spoke too loud, laughed too often and mostly her words filled their conversation. But that was fine, for Sung Gyu himself had very little to say. After all, his life hadn’t been as vibrant as hers, and she certainly had more things to tell. 

“I’d wanted to become vegetarian for a while” She told him at some point, in vast contrast to the medium rare steak she was devouring as she spoke. “One of my colleagues showed me this footage of how animals get slaughtered for livestock and it traumatized me that I could eat nothing but salad and pudding for a long time” Gaeul shook her head, in disbelief of her own life. “Thank god they had that in there. Otherwise all I’d have to eat is Kimchi”

He couldn’t help but laugh at the image of Gaeul sitting with an array of Kimchi and rice in his mind. “Kimchi isn’t that bad”

“I know” She sighed, and had a sip from her wine. “But I can't stand spicy food anymore. I start crying”

“What a coward” Sung Gyu scowled and gestured at her with his fork. “Next time we’re stopping for spicy Jjampong”

Gaeul rolled her eyes. “I bet you can't handle it yourself…”

“We’ll see” Sung Gyu boldly accepted the challenge.

They were quiet for a while, enjoying their meals in the comfort of each other’s company. With how things in his life turned out, Sung Gyu avoided dining out altogether, afraid of facing the world. It’s probably the first time after months that he was sitting here, having a nice dinner with a nice girl, taking a slow-progressing walk down the memory lane. For a moment, he could savor the delight of being anything but himself.

“I know that you don’t want to talk about it” Gaeul put in all of a sudden, catching him off-guard.

“Hm? What?” He perked up, laying his cutlery back in his plate.

“You know...about the-the…” She cleared her throat, averting her gaze  _ “you know what” _

She didn’t have to word it out for him to understand her. He picked up his fork again and pushed his food around on the plate, wanting their conversation to change. It hadn’t been long since that happened, and the aftermath was so much that he had to convince himself to be a different person entirely. If anything, it was the point where his life ended, and nothing mattered anymore.

“Sung Gyu” Gaeul pushed on. They’d already had this conversation over the phone, at least Gaeul had tried to. But whenever that topic came up in their nightly phone calls, he’d somehow dodge the talk. “You avoiding it doesn’t change anything, you know”

He sighed and looked at her tiredly. “So does it, if we did talk?”

“It does” Gaeul replied with conviction. “At least, it helps you to take it off your chest”

Sung Gyu fell quiet at that and turned away. He didn’t want to talk about it simply because he couldn’t talk about it, because that very conversation felt like rubbing salt on a sore wound. Myriad times had the incident made him feel like a complete failure, seeing that all his years of effort had gone to naught. His life was like a sand castle; a sand castle that he’d given his everything to carve, from high towers to posts to pillars, all in perfect shape, only to shatter and disappear under a single wave. Perhaps that’s what being a washed up singer was all about. It was his washed up dream.

“You do understand that you are not at fault, do you?” Gaeul went on, her voice mild and concerned. “Law suits are like that, you know. It's always on the side of the strong against the powerless; and here it was you against the company. There was nothing you could do”

Sung Gyu took a deep breath, trying to find words to respond. But then, he stopped trying. He liked to imagine that it never happened, that that phase of his life never existed; and whenever he heard that one song which took him to that brief peak in his career, he’d pretend that it wasn’t him. 

It all started when his popularity started going downhill. Sung Gyu was about to debut in a group. Initially upon being selected, he was put together with four others with the plan of forming a band. The training was too long, too exhausting, and eventually, one after the other, his fellow band members started to leave. It was only Sung Gyu who stayed, the last man standing. He supposed it was because of his loyalty to the company that he was able to debut on his own. Sung Gyu had a rough start, but at least he started, and he was prepared for a journey that wasn’t going to be easy. 

What he didn’t expect was his journey to be so brief. His first album wasn’t a success, as all first albums would be, and although it left him feeling quite traumatized, Sung Gyu did not give up trying. He wrote, he composed, he practiced and recorded day and night until he had perfected himself, until he had the perfect tracks which he treated like his children. His second album, then, became a massive success. He could still remember, sitting in his CEO’s office, watching how the title track raised up on real time charts. It was a february release, just in time for the start of spring and valentines day. It snowed that morning, he could remember very well; and when he exited the company gates, the street was swarming with reporters. Sung Gyu became that one soloist who made ‘ _ The song _ ’ of that spring. 

When that one song he had started to lose popularity, his company decided to recycle the same tracks in different versions, different language and re released. Sung gyu had hundreds of unreleased originals, enough to come back with perhaps a full album which had always been his dream. The company could have rode his popularity so well, taken the opportunity to accept OSTs, variety shows, release new albums, anything. Sung Gyu could have been so much more than he imagined. But all they did was accept a few CFs then and there, a bunch of magazine covers, started a youtube channel and forced him to do vlogs where he could have done song covers instead. He did a bunch of musicals, took over an offer for a mini drama that eventually fell through.

Five years. He wasted five years of his life in a place which failed to see his value, downplayed his talent and just used him for their gain. The company earned enough from that one song’s royalties as it played in every corner of the country every spring. His popularity fell gradually, to the point that his song became known only as a song of spring of a singer with a name and no face to it. When Sung Gyu finally decided to terminate his contract, seeing that being with them would only put restrictions on his career, they did allow him to, but under one condition; the copyrights of all his work, including the song of every spring, will still be under the company’s brand. It was when he refused to withstand their conditions, hell broke loose. 

“You can always start over...did you ever think about it?” Gaeul put in, filling the silence between them. He had been so lost in his own thoughts for long that he didn’t even realise that she awaited an answer.

Sung Gyu let out a heavy sigh and ran a hand through his hair. “It doesn’t matter, I don’t care anymore”

Gaeul stared at him for a brief moment, her eyes quietly scrutinizing him. “Sung Gyu, that’s what you wanted to do all your life, it was your dream”

“Not any more” He groaned, grimly poking his fork into the remaining slice of steak.

“That isn’t true-”

“Look,” Sung Gyu replied, growing frustrated with this conversation. “Gaeul, it’s over, okay? It happened and it’s over”

“But-,”

“Gaeul” He addressed her a little more firmly this time, which immediately made her stop. He looked up at her and met her eyes. “Gaeul, please...It’s that some things just aren’t meant to be…”

“Sung Gyu…” She whispered, and it could have been only him, but Gaeul’s eyes seemed to shine. “Don’t say that…”

“Maybe we should talk about it another time” Sung Gyu pushed on, now becoming desperate. “It’s a nice day today, we’re finally meeting after so long, and this is the last thing I want to talk about”

Gaeul gazed at him for a second in this peculiar way that she always did, as if she was reading his mind. Then finally she let out a heavy sigh.

“Then we should probably get dessert”

  
  


Kim Gaeul has always been spontaneous. She didn’t think far, plan further, or even if she did, nobody would know. He could remember from back when they were still children Gaeul would suddenly decide they wanted to have fried chicken or boiled eggs; out of nowhere and for no reason, and do everything that her little self could muster until she’d acquired what she needed. When they were only twelve, she decided, completely out of the blue, that she needed shorter hair. She wanted him to cut it, so that her parents wouldn’t find out. If not for Sung Gyu who couldn’t sneak in a pair of scissors from his mother’s kitchen cabinet without getting caught (he did get caught) Gaeul would’ve had a disaster of a hair for a long time. When she wanted to study biology, it wasn't a decision that was well thought out. She didn’t have a study plan, nor an ambition.  _ Life happened as it happened _ , she told him. And compared to him who always had an ambition, who had always had a plan, Gaeul’s spontaneous life decisions have turned out to be so much better.

Even that night, he didn’t know what to expect. When he beckoned the waitress to order dessert, Gaeul stepped in and without a second thought, she asked for the bill.

“But I thought we were having dessert?” He asked her after the waitress left, a little annoyed as he'd been looking forward to that part.

“Come on” Gaeul folded the serviette that she picked up from her lap. “Sung Gyu it's friday and we’re in Hongdae. Do you really want to spend the night having an overpriced creme brulee?”

Sung Gyu had spent hundreds of Friday nights in Hongdae so it was nothing new for him. But none had he spent in the company of hislong-time best friend, and none had she spent herself as she’d lived in everywhere else in the world half her life. She had a point.

When they finally exited the restaurant, rain had ceased. The ambiance was still quite chilly, and a cloud of white smoke emanated every time he breathed. The street was still crowded, despite the pouring weather. He stood on the edge of the sidewalk, lost and unsure of the rest of the night, watching her as Gaeul held a palm out, waiting for it to rain.

“Perfect” She told herself when it didn’t. “It’s time for Ice cream!”

“Ice cream?” He echoed incredulously as she reached for his hand. “But it's night and it's fourteen degrees!”

“That isn’t even cold” Gaeul dismissed him as she dragged him through the crowd. “Jesus, have you been to iceland? They keep ice cream out in the street”

They couldn’t find a good place which sold the kind of ice cream she expected at this time of the day, so they had to settle for measly convenience store treats. He walked after her with a basket in hand as she excitedly surfed the aisles as if she had landed on a different planet.

“Woah, the kind of things they have in this country” She picked up a tray of frozen lunch, widening her eyes in surprise. “Is this whole ass lunch? In a tray?”

Sung Gyu shook his head. “Have you lived under a rock this whole time?”

Gaeul put back the packed lunch where she found it and slid across the frozen goods, her eyes scanning the content. “Rocks, caves, forests; you name it”

He supposed he couldn’t expect less from an environmentalist. “How about supermarkets? Convenience stores? Department stores?”

Gaeul picked up a raspberry flavored Soju and narrowed her eyes. “Wait, isn’t that the same thing?”

“Wow, that much huh?”

“No” Gaeul shook her head and picked up two different flavors of Soju and held them before him. “I mean these. Aren’t they all the same?”

Sung Gyu was speechless as he stared at her, the one korean woman he had ever known to be completely unaware what Soju was. “You haven’t...you haven’t had Soju before?”

“I know what Soju is” She shrugged.

“But you...haven’t had any” He stated just with the purpose of clarifying it.

To this, Gaeul only shrugged in response. He was in complete disbelief. He knew that she’d been all over the place, staying at one stop for not longer than six months; but how could any adult korean citizen have ever not tried a sip of Soju? That should be a crime.

“You know what? Fuck Ice cream” He said, reached out and dumped the two bottles of Soju in her hand and some more into the shopping basket. He then gestured at the fridge where they had all kinds of beer. “Grab a sixer...you’re going to have the first beer bomb of your life”

  
  


In the end, they do end up with no ice cream but six cans of beer, three bottles of Soju and a whole lot of unnecessary snacks which she got under his protest. He paid for them all while Gaeul surfed some more between the aisles, loudly expressing her surprise at more things she hadn’t known to exist. And when he was done and informed her that they should leave, she popped her head from behind an aisle and asked him to go ahead.

“But why?” He hissed in return. “I thought we got everything you wanted?”

“I did” She hissed back and impatiently started to send him away. “Just go on, stay outside. I’ll be back soon”

He narrowed his eyes and watched her as she pushed him across the store and he wordlessly complied as he was forcefully exited from the store. The street was still busy and rain seemed to have ceased completely. He hung the bags on his wrist and buried both his hands in his jacket pocket and waited. He didn’t know what she was doing in there, what more had fascinated her to the point she wanted to buy them in secret. But if anything, he was glad he had her; for he wouldn’t have stayed this long out in the crowd, scared that people would recognize him, the idol the world only knew as a complete failure.

It took more than ten minutes for Gaeul to return, and when she did, she did in the most unexpected way. The automatic door parted, and Gaeul walked out with a party cap on her head and a thin candle perched atop a single soft serve ice cream. On top of it all, she was singing happy birthday, as loud as she could.

“Kim Gaeul” Sung Gyu exclaimed, retrieving his hands from his pocket; “What the fuck are you doing?”

He couldn’t help laughing at her. With the neon blue party hat and the ice cream melting in her hand, she was ridiculous and certainly caught all eyes of the passers by.

“Did you think I forgot!?!” She yelled at him when her terrible singing had ended. From behind her, the part timer who was working at the cashier watched the odd exchange.

“I wish you did,” He said in return. “And I’m going to be thirty two, Gaeul, I’m not a child”

“Do I look like I care?”   
  


Sung Gyu shrugged.

“Good” She said and held up the ice cream towards him, its small candle flame threatening to disappear in the breeze. “Now make a wish”

“This is so stupid” He told her. “I don’t even have anything to wish for”

“Fine, I’ll do it myself then” Gaeul returned, bringing the candle back to herself. The candle light brought a gentle shine upon her skin as she closed her eyes, holding the melting ice cream before her. The candle was crooked, about to fall off any minute; she took longer than she should have to make her wish before she blew the candle away.

“Tsh” She started afterwards, glaring up at him. “What kind of people didn’t have birthday wishes?”

“My kind of people” He buried his hands in his pockets and smiled. 

If anything, Sung Gyu was incredibly grateful. If she was not there, if the circumstances were different, this would have been the first birthday that he’d spend on his own. For some reason, for Sung Gyu, birthdays were really significant. It was the only day he could celebrate himself, that people could celebrate him, send him nice messages, shower him with gifts and love. He desired that acceptance, that validation even at least once a year in his life; and his birthday was the only day that he did. This year, however, given everything that happened, he didn’t have his company people around him, nor his colleagues, nor his fans. He would have been all on his own, snuggled inside a blanket in the dark of his small house, drenched in regret. Gaeul’s sudden arrival was like an unexpected blessing, a rare silver lining. 

As he gazed down at her, he felt as if the air around him had completely changed. He hadn’t met her in person for a long time, but Gaeul had always been there for him, through thick and the thin. She was the constant in his life; never changing no matter how much he failed. For that moment, he wanted to hold her, bury himself in her arms and tell her that she, for him, mattered the most.

“What?” Gaeul asked him, and it took him a second to realise that he’d been quietly staring at her for a long time.

“Nothing” He shrugged, afraid that he’d given himself away. “Just thinking about how stupid you are”

“How ungrateful” Gaeul scowled. “At least I got you this, at least I-,”

Before she could say anything any further, Sung Gyu lifted his hand and grabbed hers before he swiftly slammed the melted ice cream on her face.    
  


“Sung Gyu!” She spluttered, drenched with vanilla soft serve and her hair caked to her face. Sung Gyu laughed, satisfied by his immediate response and walked ahead, leaving her behind. 

“Asshole!” She yelled after him before she followed suit. He continued to walk briskly before she could catch up with him. “Wait, hold up!”

This is how he was going to show her that her simplest gesture meant so much for him. No warm hugs, no words of gratitude. As they grew up, affection was shared in the most unconventional ways. Despite their younger days when telling each other their raw and most sincere emotions were so simple, Sung Gyu was naturally incapable of showing affection and Gaeul was equally incapable of receiving them. And so, the way their relationship progressed had changed so much since their very first kiss and ring exchange; but it was as perfect as it was. 

In the end, the two of them stopped at an empty alleyway where he helped her to clean up, laughing on his own while she cursed him as she cleaned. Afterwards, he suggested that they should perhaps return home, go to his place and start with the beer bombs. Gaeul didn’t want to, convinced that beer bombs were something that one could put together on the side of the road. Sung gyu had to remind her that, unlike many other countries that she had been to, they could not drink in public in this place.

“Not fair” She exclaimed,throwing her hand in exasperation. “Why do we have to go to places to drink? I’ve walked on the street with a lager, geez”

“Yeah well…” He sighed. “My place is just around the corner”

“And we’re walking there?”

Sung Gyu buried his hands in his pockets, and the bags ruffled against his jacket. “Yup” He said.

Gaeul paused, looked at Sung Gyu for a long time as the street light flickered above her a dozen of times. Her eyes narrowed and she shook her head, disappointed. “Sung Gyu...you just don't want to stay out, do you? You’re so eager to escape”

Sung gyu, without a word, turned away; embarrassed that he was caught out. He didn't want to stay out because it just made him feel increasingly anxious. It hasn’t been long since he moved into Hongdae, a long way from the studio apartment where he lived while he worked. Although it had been a long time since his public appearance, having lived the idol life, even for a brief time, he was afraid of being identified, and then be reminded of his failure. Hongdae was a big, usually crowded city, so it was easier for him to be lost among the swarms of people, especially in the night. He could be somebody else for a while; just another person returning home, taking an evening stroll, grabbing a meal on the side of the road, stocking up on groceries. He could be an ordinary man for a while, but the ambiguity of how long it could last always scared him. How long did he have until one person from his former fans recognised him? How long did he have until it hit again that he hadn’t just failed himself but also people who probably looked up to him?

“Oh god” Gaeul yelled into the air around them. They were on the edge of the alleyway, and outside, people were passing by briskly, and there was different music playing in different stores; a jumble of songs. She was louder than all of it. She trudged over to him, heavy on her feet.

“How long are you going to keep this up? Stop acting like your life is over” She told him.

He let out a heavy sigh. He didn’t know how he was to prove it to her that it indeed had. “I said I don’t want to talk about it”

“We’re not talking about anything,” She said, exasperated. “I’m just loudly wondering why we can't just stay out for a bit...it’s a great night”

Sung Gyu turned back to her, now standing smack dab in the middle of the sidewalk. “Because it will rain soon? Because it's late? Because you’re a weird korean who hadn’t been here for nineteen fucking years?”

“Hold up” She raised a hand in objection. “I don't agree with the last one, it has nothing to do with this”

“It does” He raised his brows. “You don’t know the hell you’re doing. You can get kidnapped”

Gaeul stared at him from across the street for a moment too long, her eyes widened, lips pursed, fighting down a laughter. And then she scoffed. “Ah, you’re ridiculous” She said and traversed the sidewalk towards him.

“Okay, fine, let’s go home” Gaeul finally gave in and walked ahead, leading the way. “But it’s only because of you”

“That’s great but” Sung Gyu started as he caught up with her rather short strides. “You’re going the wrong way”

Gaeul paused and gave him a smile. “Okay” She said and continued to walk the same direction.

“Gaeul” He tried again. “We have to go the other way, turn right and take the subway”

“Is that the short way home?”

“That’s the  _ right  _ way home” He sighed.

“Good” Gaeul nodded and grabbed hold of his jacket sleeve. “Then we’re taking the  _ wrong _ way home”

“But why?” He whined, reaching the peak of his patience. Sung Gyu was a well organised person by nature, and if things didn’t go according to how he wanted it, hell would break loose. 

Gaeul, on the other hand, was spontaneous, messy and borderline insane. 

“Have you ever heard of getting lost?” She asked him as she walked ahead, dragging him along with her.

“Getting  _ what _ ?” 

“Getting lost” She reiterated, appearing annoyingly satisfied. “We’re going to get lost. We’d find our way home again”

Sung gyu could only scoff in response. She could have done all the getting  _ losts  _ while she was all over the world, but that was not something he had the capacity to compile to.

“That’s the stupidest thing I've ever heard,” He told her. “We won’t find the way back. If anything, we’d spend the whole night walking and accidentally walk into a gang dealing drugs or something and get killed”

“Perfect!”

“Oh for god’s sake, Gaeul”

Gaeul stopped walking, took his hand and squeezed it hard. “Can you stop whining for a second?”

“Huh?” He blinked.

“You really talk too much for an old man” She said and despite his loud protests, Gaeul proceeded to drag him along with her.   
  


  
  


In all its effervescence, the city at night looked like it was breathing. The bright neon lights and upbeat music pouring out of almost every store, along with young people streaming in and out of their doors. Their smiles, their laughter gave it a childlike innocence, a fresh breath of air, of life. Hongdae, a city of brilliance in the heart of Seoul was like a mecca for musicians and young dreamers. In almost every corner of the serpentine alleys was a busker, a group of dancers, their guitars strung so much that they were so in tune, their drums beaten so hard that on their surfaces were darkened spots; dancers in their glittery dark outfits, torn in places that couldn’t be seen, their arms and limbs in pain behind their shining eyes, smiling lips. Every night, in all its brilliance, Hongdae seemed like it was breathing. Yet, in the darkest corners of the ethereal city were million lost souls,  _ struggling _ to breath,

Sung gyu, undoubtedly, was one of them. As the two walked deeper and deeper into the city, as the crowd got thicker, music got louder, as lights shined more and more in their eyes, Sung Gyu felt as if he was being suffocated. All around him was just one of them, another one like himself who was building sand castles, dreaming big dreams, battling a losing fight. He wished he could go to either one of them, hold their hands and tell them that it wasn’t worth a fight, they were about to fail anyway; dream a  _ different _ dream. But then again, he would remember his past self again. He’d remember himself, young and innocent and naive, his slender fingers dancing across the fretboard despite how much his thin layers of skin broke against the strings. He would sing until his voice became hoarse, until he was drenched in sweat and couldn’t breathe again. And then he’d look down at the few people watching him, enjoying the little magic that music could make. They’d be screaming, they’d be crying, they’d be waving their phones or home made light sticks that flickered and fell apart. They’d be happy. And Sung Gyu would gaze at them from the elevated ground, his heart light, savoring the moment where he felt like he was flying, and he’d think;  _ This is life. _

The Sung Gyu now did not feel the same anymore. Perhaps, he had developed a kind or a trauma after the incident, for all he wanted to do at that very moment was run away. He could hear the court’s verdict echoing in his mind; when the rights to all his life’s work went to the people who destroyed him, gave no value to his dreams. He did accept it, at times, that it was something that he had no control over; indeed, half the work that went into his albums was from the company’s side. But he did deserve something, a little percentage of the royalties, perhaps, for writing that song, for singing it, for making it a sensation that played in every corner, in every cafe or little boutiques that sold their limited spring collections, for every time people hummed along with their cherry blossom frappes in hand. The song, that one song meant so much to him, so much more than the value that the company could give it. It was the whole meaning and purpose behind that one song that held his hand now, keeping him from breaking apart. 

“Woah, this is how things are around here?” Gaeul loudly questioned him, definitely enjoying herself in her new surroundings. “The difference in culture is really something, eh?”

She continued to tell him about how she’d seen more portrait artists and violinists and a whole lot of classical musicians reigning the streets as well as smaller squares and streets with open restaurants whereas here things were completely different. Although it was odd to see her fascination towards what would be mundane for Sung Gyu, he understood her. She was only thirteen, barely having experienced all the different aspects that night-life in seoul entailed, when she left. Sung Gyu too, put in his own thoughts, told her about street food and Karaoke bars, enjoying her company all the same. It was having her there with him that could keep him sane. He wouldn’t have otherwise dared to take this stroll down the street with the risk of hearing it or being seen again. For a moment, he wondered how strong that Gaeul could make him be.

At some point, however, they approached a group of people circled around, and he could clearly hear the fine tunes of guitars, drums and strings ensemble, which immediately stopped Gaeul in her tracks. Sung gyu froze, his hands growing clammy as the familiar tune grew within him, ran through his veins like a beckoning. It's spring. He was bound to hear the song that had reigned three springs in the past. If it was any other time he would have secretly applauded himself. The song that became popular without a face but a name. But tonight, everything was a blur. His confidence was waning, his strength started to face away. He did not want to hear it anymore. He wanted to leave.

But Gaeul, as expected, did not share the same sentiment as him. 

“Hold on, wait” She said, grabbing his hand in both of hers, “Isn’t that...isn’t  _ that? _ ” She listened to the intro music closely, the chords that Sung Gyu had played on his guitar so many times. The singer started to sing, and Sung Gyu’s heart constricted inside him. “That’s...that’s your song, Sung Gyu” Gaeul told him, her eyes shining like stars.  _ “That’s your song” _

If he was to be completely honest, it was  _ her _ song; Gaeul’s. The girl who had Autumn’s name, born in Winter and stole his heart nineteen Springs ago. It was her song that was stolen from him and now being sung in a corner of a busy street by a voice of a person they didn’t even know.

“We should leave” He told her, trying to retrieve his hand. If there was someone singing his song, then that also meant there also was the risk of them recognising him. There wasn’t much of him that came out with the song; he didn’t appear in the music video and he only sang on TV shows for a week. The song with a name with no face. But there was a chance, a thin, invisible thread of a chance that they would know. 

“Leave?” Gaeul repeated incredulously. Her eyes were brimming with passion, the kind of strength a woman would have when she wasn’t about to give up trying. “Sung Gyu” She moved closer to him, so close that her warm breath was brushing his skin. “Listen to me now. I’m here with you after so many years and I haven’t had a single chance of seeing you sing this song”

“So I will” He hissed back. “After we get back. I’ll play you my guitar, I’ll sing it for you”

“Not like that” She returned firmly. “It’s your song, Sunggyu. You wrote it, you sang it, you  _ own _ it”

“I don't,” He sighed. “Not legally. And you know that”

“I do” She reached up, and as more and more people gathered into the crowd, they became invisible no matter how close they seemed to get. “But that doesn’t change much, does it? You know that too. It’s your song, Sung Gyu;  _ Own it _ ”

“No” Sung Gyu widened his eyes. He knew what she was implying. She didn’t have to say it in many words. “Gaeul no, no, don’t even  _ think _ about it”

The indie band has now reached its chorus, and Gaeul grabbed his hand, just like it said in the song. 

“Too late” She said. 

And before he could even start protesting again, Gaeul proceeded to drag him through the crowd. They ended up pushing some people, perhaps even smacking them in their face. Yet, ultimately, there they stood right in front of the group, a bunch of young boys with  _ so much _ passion and stars in their eyes. Sung Gyu looked over at the vocalist; an ordinary young man with dark hair, thin eyes, donning a leather jacket and a pair of scruffed old boots; _ just like himself _ .

“Hey, hey hey! Stop! Stop!” Gaeul’s voice echoed over the music, over the chatter of the crowd. It went unheard in the beginning, and Sung Gyu covered his face behind both his hands.

“Gaeul please” He muttered. Frankly, Sung Gyu felt sick. He felt like crying.

“Sush, shut up” She hissed at him and cupped her face with her hands. 

“Stop!”

This time louder, stronger, and as if it was the aftermath of a storm, the band stopped playing, the chatter died down. Every single eye turned to them and quietness ensued.

Sung Gyu couldn’t help but wish for the ground to open underneath his feet and swallow him whole.

“Sung Gyu, come” She said. Grabbed his hand and raised it in the air as would a referee in a boxing match. 

“Kids, kids of the band” She called out. A round of chatter ensued from the back, and as Sung Gyu watched, more and more people started to gather, their phone cameras at a ready. 

“What?” One of the kids yelled back.

“Hey lady” Called another. “You just disrupted our performance!”

“For a very good reason” Gaeul replied, undeterred. Sung Gyu stepped back, wanting to disappear into the crowd, but she pulled him back towards her.

“Do you know who this is?” She asked, now louder that the whole circle of audience could hear.

Sung Gyu breathed heavily, closing his eyes. He’s had nightmares for weeks; of people throwing eggs at him, people protesting outside the building, the media huddling around him, asking why he failed. And this, right now, felt like these nightmares happening for real.

There was silence around him, and he could feel all the eyes scanning him, tracing him like a zoo exhibit. Gaeul’s hand squeezed his gently, and her fingers slipped through his own.

“Wait…” A voice called, all of a sudden, and there was a flicker of recognition in his tone. Sung Gyu dared to slowly open his eyes, only to witness the vocalist, the thin boy in leather and scruffed boots making a step towards him, his guitar hanging on his shoulder, forgotten. “Wait...is that...is that  _ Kim Sung Gyu?” _

The entire crowd went quiet, and Sung Gyu, if anything, felt as if he was about to faint. His whole life flashed before his eyes. 

_ “Oh man _ ” the vocalist whispered, and covered his mouth with his hands. Sung Gyu didn’t think he had a very recognisable face. He was pretty ordinary. Tall, maybe, but with an ordinary face. But someone did, certainly recognise him. He didn’t feel very good.

“Oh god, oh man...it’s really him!”

The vocalist approached him, his hands held out. He paused, turned to his band and cried. “Guys, it  _ is _ him...”

“From The-the  _ beat _ ?” One of the band mate’s sputtered, and Sung Gyu widened his eyes at him. 

It’s been so many years since The beat disbanded. It was the indie group he started with a bunch of his friends a few weeks after he moved into Seoul. If there was any point where his music career really started, that was that. The beat used to busker in the streets, their guitar cases open to collect a penny to record songs; which they would in this one recording place one of their distant friends owned, and it was their life’s purpose to sneak in a demo album or two to agency representatives who’d be at times roaming in concert venues. That time felt so far away now, almost like a dream. Sung Gyu would have expected someone to recognise him from his idol days; but from ‘The beat?’

“How…” He muttered, taking a step ahead. “How did you…?”

“I’ve been following your work since then...we all have” The vocalist said, gesturing at his band mates. “We were only kids back then, but we always came to watch you play on the street and…”

“ _ Spring’s song… _ ” Another one of his band mate’s put in. “That’s...that’s the kind of music we want to make...one day”

They all went quiet at that point, yet the chatter in the crowd continued. For a moment, Sung Gyu’s fear somehow subdued. He’d met people who connected with his soul, who saw right through him, understood him. They did not see the point where he’d failed. And that gave him a flicker of hope.

“Kim Sung Gyu-Ssi... _ sir _ ” The vocalist started, and he slowly took the box guitar off from him. Sung Gyu’s heart started to pound so hard, so fast. This was not the reaction he expected when Gaeul made the most outrageous move. But now, beside him, she quietly yet proudly smiled.

“It will be an honor” The boy said, and before him, he held his beat old gibson in his hands. 

As he slowly reached out, his hands trembling, his whole body reacting with an adrenaline rush, all he could hear was her voice in his mind. ‘It’s your song, Sung Gyu. Own it’ 

Perhaps, he never did own it before; when he first recorded it, released it in an album, sang it for the first time on a stage in front of dozens of people who he didn’t even know, Sung Gyu probably never owned  _ Spring’s song _ . But right here, in front of this small crowd, for people who knew him and probably even loved him, in front of Gaeul, the purpose and the meaning, the biggest strength in his life, Sung Gyu will own it now.

“It’s your song” Gaeul whispered to him again, now so much closer than before. Her lips brushed past his ear, and he suddenly found the purpose of his life.

And he wanted to make it as special as he could.

“Please” He said to the vocalist, stepped closer and put the guitar back on his shoulder. “Play it for me”

  
  


Whenever he sang  _ ‘Spring’s song’ _ , Sung Gyu would feel utterly alive again. For him, it felt like breathing. He’d close his eyes and reminisce back to that time, the thirteen year old him, the scent of damp earth in his breath, the saltiness in the breeze by the lake bank, the sound of cicadas, the sound of her laughter. He’d think back to that spring day when he held her hand, helping her down the hill to the lake and thought how breathtaking she seemed to be. He’d think back to that summer, when she’d told him that she’d leave, and the only way he could think of to hold her back was to kiss her, that changed everything. He’d reminisce every single memory he had of her, hold them closer to his heart and he’d sing the  _ Spring’s song. _

That moment, when the first few chords strung, he held hard onto the microphone and let the rest of the world fall away. It was easier to think that he was there alone, like the very first time he sang it in his room after a prolonged phone call with Gaeul who spoke to him from Spain. It's easier when he imagined that it was only him and her.

And she too, seemed to understand this, as if she’d looked into his mind. It wasn’t exactly a slow ballad. It was upbeat, cheerful, happy, just like her. And much to his amazement, as soon as he started the first few lines, she took his hand and started to dance on her own.

Sung Gyu could swear, it was at that moment that he fell in love with her even more.

She lifted his hand and she twirled, she placed her hand on his shoulder, and his on her waist, a moment of a lingering slow dance. As he continued to sing he thought, by their proximity, that he wouldn’t be able to breathe again. But she had the right to dance, if she wanted to. It was Gaeul. What more could he expect?

Yet, there was no peace in his mind. He was singing right there, the band playing behind him, him performing, doing the very thing which scared him to the core. But for that moment, he felt braver, stronger, for she was there dancing to her song, right in his arms. When years had passed and when he’d think of  _ Spring’s song _ again, it wouldn’t be his failure that he’d remember. It would be this moment, when he realised that the other part of his soul was her. 

The audience was cheering and awing at them; their cameras recording this strange incident, late into the night on a rainy spring day. Gaeul seemed to have no care for the world. She was loving it, as she would anything. Gaeul was the epitome of happiness, of endless positivity. There was nothing that she couldn’t do. And he learned it the hard way that there were plenty of things that she couldn’t; yet they never pulled her back from what she wanted to be. Right now, she was dancing with him to a song that they couldn’t even dance to. In her mind, it probably never mattered. Why would it? If doing this very thing made her happy?

Towards the end of the song, everyone was applauding, singing along with him. Torch lights from some mobile phones were waving in the crowd like stars, and the band harmonized behind him. It was that one performance, he, as an idol, could never have. His heart felt light; almost as if he’d gained wings again. For a moment, holding hard onto his mic, his free hand on her waist, he looked at her, he glanced at the crowd and sigh. He thought to himself, then;  _ ‘This is life’ _

The song came to an end then, with Gaeul stretching their arms out and swiftly twirling herself back into his arms. She lost her balance, and he moved fast. When the gathered crowd started cheering so loudly in response, he was holding Gaeul in his embrace, his forehead against hers, his breath mingling with hers. He dug his fingers against her skin and closed his eyes, breathing hard. He wanted to kiss her. If this was another place, another time, if they were in different circumstances, he would have kissed her breath away.

“You did it” Gaeul muttered to him as she finally stumbled away from him. Her cheeks were pink, eyes glimmering with tears. She took his hand. “You did it, Sung Gyu...it’s yours…”

  
  
  


It was ages before they finally parted from the crowd. The group which they later learned to be known as ‘Gung-ho’ (A very strong name for an indie band, he thought) was delighted to have met in person, and with much pestering from their side (and Gaeul’s) he promised to meet them again. There were a lot of good words and compliments coming from the gathered crowds; some recognised him, some knew his voice. Certain, inevitable expressed their disappointment at how his career had to end while certain gave him their well wishes and hopes to start again. The two of them then left Gung-Ho to continue with their gig, picked up the bag of unnecessary amounts of grocery that they’d left on the side of the road and made their way back home again.

It was when he’d come so far away from the crowd that his anxiety kicked in again.

“What if” He asked her, worry coated in his tone. “Gaeul what if it was illegal? I mean, the company still owns its copyrights. I am not allowed to sing it in public”

“Relax” She told him and held his hand in the warm one of hers. “It was just a gig, not a commercial performance or anything-,”

“But if it gets out-,”

“It  _ will _ get out,” Gaeul told him, with no hesitation, certain as ever. “Sung Gyu, a performance like that; what we did right there was something that  _ will _ get out”

“That also means I would have to pay a penalty then” He reasoned out to her. “Serve in jail”

“No, Sung Gyu, don’t be ridiculous” Gaeul laughed, rolling her eyes. “It  _ is _ a big deal, but not  _ that much _ of a big deal”

“That is not helping at all”

Gaeul slowed down at that moment, and they stopped walking altogether. They were further away from the town now, and were walking down a path lined with cherry trees on the either sides, their blossoms that had descended with rain littered the ground underneath in a mismatched pattern. It was quiet around them, so much so that they could hear the hustle and bustle of the town somewhere far away. They stood under a street light, and it's pale yellow illuminance made Gaeul’s light brown eyes appear ethereal. Sometimes, she really seemed out of this world.

“Listen” She told him, a hand laid on his arm. “What if it gives you a second chance?”

“A second chance?” Sung Gyu echoed in return, not bothering to hide the ridicule in his voice. “Gaeul, a lot of things could happen after something like this, but a second chance is simply not one of them”

“How could you be so sure?” She returned, meeting his eyes.

“Because I have been in this industry much longer than you think”

She rolled her eyes and moved away. “It’s your negativity that is stopping you,” She said.

“It’s the reality, Gaeul” He caught up with her in hurried steps. “You fail, you lose. There is no gain after that. I know how it works”

“So you’re going to give up? Just like that?”

“I already have” He sighed, and gave her a sad smile.

There have been moments, if he was to be honest, where he did think there might be a silver lining, a second chance. He had heard of idols who made it work at an older age, who moved from one agency to another, changed names and started all over again. There have been moments too, that he wanted to try. He had gone to the extent of looking for more agencies, sending demos to people, waiting anxiously, anticipating a response. It’s been less than six months since he terminated his contract, and so much in his life had changed. Sung Gyu wasn’t the same Sung Gyu anymore. And there was no way that he would go back to that place again. 

“But Sung Gyu…” Gaeul’s eyes have filled with tears at that point, threatening to fall. “You’re the happiest when you sing, did you know that?”

Sung Gyu remained quiet as a thick knot formed in his throat.

“You’re the happiest” She continued, and a hand laid on his cheek. Sung Gyu’s heart started to hammer so fast, butterflies started to flutter in his chest. “I have seen it” She continued, her voice lowering to a whisper. “I saw it, tonight. Your eyes become really shiny, and you smile so much...and your voice….it changes so much, you know. You’re just the happiest. Do you know how happy that makes me?”

“G-Gaeul…”

“Don’t think” She continued, now holding his face in both her hands. “Don’t ever think that you’ve failed, Sung Gyu. This isn’t the you that i have always known. Did you hear those kids back there? Did you see all the people that you made happy tonight? Did you see yourself? Do you see me? That’s how much it all means, to you, to me, to all of us…”

“So you think…” He started, her voice giving him a tiniest flicker of home. “You think there is a chance?”

“You’d never know, would you? unless you try” She smiled.

“You’re right…” He smiled back, his voice lowered to a whisper too. “Maybe….I think...”

She laughed, her voice so soft like wedding chimes that he remembered from early morning back home. Gaeul hadn’t changed all that much. She still didn’t think much, she still talked a lot, laughed too much, and when he looked at her from a distance like this, when he looked deeper into her eyes, light as leaves in the fall, he would see the thirteen year old her still alive inside her. Sung Gyu had loved her since then, till now. If there was one thing that stayed as constant as her in his life, perhaps ever grew stronger, that was his love for her, blossoming like roses in the spring.

They were alone at that moment, the road completely empty, the wind chilly and trees rustling gently in the breeze. Sung Gyu wasn’t thinking much when his arm wrapped around her, bringing her closer, and even closer, when he pushed away the strands of hair that stuck to her lips. Gaeul too, understood what was about to happen, and she didn’t move away, perhaps allowing the time to take its rightful course. He closed his eyes, thought back to that fateful first kiss nineteen years ago and imagined he was thirteen again. Yet, they were only a second apart when, with a splash that sounded so loud in the quietness of the night, that they were both showered in dirt. When they both pulled away, befuddled, Sung Gyu took in the sight of the car that had rushed over the puddle of rain on the side of the road.

“Aw crap” Gaeul growned, her fingers holding onto her dark hair drenched in mud. “I conditioned it just this morning”

Sung Gyu couldn’t help but laugh in response. His own pale white sweater had a massive spudge down the neck, so did his jacket, which would be hard to take off. 

“Well” He started, attempting to wipe off a bit of it from Gaeul’s shoulder. Her wine red sweater seemed to have absorbed the dirty water. But she was in no shape to return like this. “Gaeul, I think It’s time we finally go home. The  _ right _ way” He raised his brows in emphasis.

“The _ right _ way” She reiterated, met his eyes and broke out in laughter. “The  _ right _ way, oh god!”

They laughed and laughed after that point, until the mud crusted on their skin and tangled their hair, until they started to stink of dirt and rain. They were laughing even as they stopped a taxi for he had no idea where they were, and laughed even more learning that they’d walked two miles away from where his home should be, getting lost, just like she had worded it. But for that moment, he couldn’t really blame her. Sung Gyu actually thought, as she buried her face in his chest and laughed so hard, that he  _ had _ found his home again. 

  
  


“Here we are” Sung Gyu grunted as he opened the front door to his apartment. It was on the ground floor of a three storey apartment with a rooftop and a measly rooftop house. He at least had a garden, which he was happy about, Although the entire apartment was a huge downgrading from the one he had before.

Gaeul entered after him, looking around with wide, fascinated eyes. “It’s much smaller than I thought” She commented, taking in her surroundings. Gaeul had only seen the house through their video calls before, and he’d always made sure to have them in the garden during the day and living room in the night as they were the much bigger parts of the house. What she did not know was that it was mostly open planned, which meant the kitchen and the living room were one and the same. He turned the lights on and the house, for a moment looked like a lonely solo den. He hadn’t planned on bringing her home tonight, so the fact that he hadn’t gotten around to clean it up had completely skipped his mind.

“It’s a bit messy,” He said laughing awkwardly as he tried to tidy up, starting from his shoes which were all over the place by the front door.

“Oh don’t bother” She replied nonchalantly as she took off her boots. “We’re all mud clad here, we’ll mess it more anyway”

“Oh, right” Sung Gyu scratched his head. “Well, come through then. I’ll throw your clothes in the dryer while you change”

“Do you have anything for me to change into? Or am I going to sit in my towel while you’re done?”

“A change of clothes too” He put in awkwardly.

Sung Gyu didn’t really have any women’s clothes with him. He was the only child in his family and nobody really visited him either, not to the point of staying over. So he dug through his cupboard, located some sweatpants, T-shirts and hoodies, which he all left on his bed for her to choose from.

“Bathroom is, er...that way” He told her as he handed her extra towels. “I do have conditioner, but you know, it’s-,”

“That’s fine” She smiled as she took the towels from him. “I do like to smell like men’s body wash time to time”

He could only give her an awkward laughter before he left the room, his cheeks heating up. He hadn’t brought a woman to his house in ages, and not once since he moved into this apartment six months ago. Sung Gyu had had an odd girlfriend or two back then, someone from the company, a fellow musical actress, someone that he met through a mutual friend. And he’d bring them home, indulging one night in bed from time to time. But never had he felt this so awkward and embarrassed around a woman before. While Gaeul was in shower, he walked around the house, trying to find something to do until his own round in the shower came. He tidied the kitchen a little, put a pot of water to boil, just in case, opened the windows to let the night air in and sat on the floor, deep in his thoughts. It was a while later that Gaeul yelled from his bedroom, her voice so loud in his otherwise extremely quiet house.

“Sung Gyu!” She yelled and stuck her head out the door. “How does the drier work!?!”

“The drier” He hopped up on his feet, for a moment lost in his own house. “Hold on” He said, walking towards his bedroom. “You, err...can leave them in bathroom, I’ll do it”

Sung Gyu half expected her to protest, unwilling to let him touch her lady garments. But she was completely nonchalant about it as she left the room. 

“It’s not everyday that a guy would offer to wash your clothes” She said and trudged her way down the narrow corridor past him. 

“The clothes” He asked, avoiding her gaze. “Do they fit alright?” Although they were about six feet away from each other, Sung Gyu still felt incredibly awkward in her presence. She looked up at him, and she appeared so small in his too large hoodie and pants that gathered by her feet. She was shorter than he imagined. “I’m in a tent, but that’s fine” She shrugged. He nodded back, turning away, trying not to think about anything else when she called him back.

“Yeah?”

“When you put them in the washer…” She started, and she too, for once shyly fidgeted with her hands. “Seperate the reds...They can stain a bit”

  
  


After a shower and two rounds of washing the clothes, Sung Gyu finally entered the living room, only to hear a small voice baby talking to someone. For a moment, he forgot he had a visitor in the house. He stopped in the dark, quietly listening into the conversation, trying to make sense of their words. When he finally peaked out from behind the wall, he witnessed Gaeul petting the cat like a child.

“You’ve found another victim for your smouldering, I see” He commented as he made his way towards the kitchen cabinet.

“You didn’t tell me that you had a cat,” She said.

“I don’t” He replied as he took the cans of beer and snacks from their bags. “It’s not mine. Just a neighbourhood cat who thinks he pays the rent”

“So does he?” She asked him but before he could even form a response, she quickly diverted to talking to the cat in her baby voice. “Do you? Do you pay the rent, baby?  _ Do you? _ ”

“He doesn’t do shit” Sung Gyu said, finally traversing the hall to where she sat. He had a single sofa, a coffee table both of which were kept on a carpet which he diligently vacuumed every day. The sofa faced the french windows which were opened to his small garden, through the grills of which the cat crept in. On spring days, the small garden was always stained with dew and cherry blossoms from the tree next door, and the wind that came in carried their sweetest scent.

Tonight, with the scent of rain and lights seeping in from the street, it created the perfect atmosphere. He turned on the lamp beside the sofa and laid the bottles and snacks on the coffee table.

“Right,” He said. “It’s time for the beer bombs”

Gaeul looked over at the spread on the table and sighed. “I’m hungry,” She said. 

  
  


In the end, Sung Gyu made a piping hot pot of spicy Ramyun, no floating egg as she despised it and laid it on the table for her. The aroma of chives and soup took over the scent of the spring, and as Sung Gyu handed a pair of chopsticks to her, the cat comfortably laid down by the window and licked its face.

Sung Gyu picked up two glasses, cracked open a can of beer, followed by a bottle of Soju and proceeded to make his legendary beer bomb.

“Now watch closely, Korean-none-Korean lady. This is what a beer bomb is” He explained to her.

“Neat” She said, hardly paying attention to him. She was busy swallowing half the bowl of noodles he’d made for her. Gaeul really had a great appetite for a girl; she ate like someone who had starved for years. As he watched her, he couldn’t help the smile forming on his lips.

“What?” she asked him, her voice muffled by her full mouth.

“Nothing” He shrugged, reached out and wiped the corner of her mouth with his thumb. “Just...eat slowly”

She blinked.

“Nobody’s going to take it away”

An entire pot of Ramyun later, Gaeul had her first ever Beer bomb, which resulted in her demanding for more. In her very honest, unbiased opinion, she said, she hadn’t tasted a better rendition of beer her entire life, and that was after having tasted beer of its origin itself. Sung Gyu felt a flicker of pride, although he knew it was kind of silly to think making beer bombs was actually a talent to be proud about. He taught her how to put one together, which she did quite clumsily, spilling half a can of beer all over the carpet he adored. Sung Gyu ended up downing about three glassfulls of beer bombs that she made for him, and at some point, they found themselves abandoning them for once and for all, swigging soju right from the bottle itself. Mildly drunk, they both spoke among each other for hours. It was her who spoke the most, telling him about all her little adventures in everywhere she’d bean to. She told him about the snowy mountain peaks in Switzerland, that time she got lost in Austria and met a professor called  _ Abracadabra  _ which had made her laugh right in his face. Then about her three months in India where her skin got tanned and she developed hives, about the goats and chickens on the road and how they treated bulls like god. He loved listening to her speak; the gentle tone of her voice, eloquence of her words. This is what they’ve done for the past few years over the phone; she spoke, he listened, he answered all the questions that she asked, and he’d never be more comfortable with her. It was just natural for them, this exchange. Not many words were needed to express how they felt. If anything, they just knew, and they just acknowledged them in the subtlest ways.

As the night grew darker and as they ran out of things to talk about, the two of them fell into a comfortable silence. This was natural too, until Gaeul found something else of interest.

And it didn’t take her long.

“Is that yours?” Gaeul, later into that night, pointed at the pale brown Gibson that stood in a corner of his room and asked.

“Can’t be anybody else’s surely” He replied as he sipped from his can of beer.

“Asshole” Gaeul smacked him on his thigh and smiled. “Play for me”

“Play for you?” He reiterated in response.

“Mmhm...Sing me a song”

“Which song?”

He expected her to ask for the  _ Spring’s Song _ again, and for the first time in his life, he felt no hesitation to sing it again. Gaeul, much to his surprise, shook her head. “A song that you’ve never sung before”

Sung Gyu nodded, climbed up on his feet and fetched the guitar before he returned to her. She cleared up a side of the coffee table and beckoned him to sit there before her. He had a dozen songs that he'd never sung before. Songs that he’d written on long quiet nights, when his sole company were his thoughts and fine tunes that strummed in his heart. He’d composed them in hopes of releasing them, singing them upon a stage one day, and making one of them the next  _ Spring’s Song _ . Thinking back to that shattered dream, his heart still constricted. But an opportunity was still an opportunity. At this point, nothing could be better than singing one of them for her.

He strummed a G major before he started, and the sound echoed throughout the empty apartment. “I haven’t named this song yet. So I’ll call it untitled” He said.

“Perfect” Gaeul clapped her hands.

He closed her eyes, trying to recall its words again. He could remember vividly when he actually composed it. It had to be in the fall, a couple of years back. He’d just gotten off a call with his mother who’d asked him for the umpeteenth time if he had considered marrying yet. He’d said that he hadn’t and that he never would, and livid after their conversation he had tried to call the sole comfort he had in his life. It wasn’t a great time for them. With work and inevitable circumstances in life, Gaeul and Sung Gyu had naturally drifted apart. He’d call her occasionally, and many times his calls and even messages would go unreplied, unnoticed. He’d ignored her responses then and there, leaving them on ‘ _ seen’, _ not replying to voice mails. He’d spend more time with his girlfriend of that time, one that he didn’t sincerely love. He’d be sleeping with her after work at times, going on dates which didn’t even mean anything. At a time like that, Sung Gyu couldn’t help but wonder what it would have been like to be much closer to Kim Gaeul than he was at that time.

And now, sitting so much closer to Gaeul than he had at the time of writing this song for her, it felt surreal to sing it again. As the guitar strung, its melody echoing throughout the quiet apartment, melting along with his voice, he felt as if they were being transported years back in time. He wouldn’t have thought, even once, that tonight would be possible back then. He wasn’t sure how things changed, or where they did or even why. But things certainly did shift significantly to the point where they nearly lost each other. He wasn’t sure how their paths collided and moved parallel to each other again. Nonetheless, whenever he thought back to those few dark months of their lives, he would always remember this song.

After he had sung out the last key, the entire room fell into utter silence. Sung Gyu finally opened his eyes, the guitar still held securely in his lap and her seated on the floor before him, a significant gap between them. Gaeul gazed up at him, and for some reason, her eyes seemed to be teary, they were gleaming like glass in the moonlight.

“Hey” He called her, his voice a mere whisper. She appeared to be in some kind of a trance and he hated to be the one breaking it. 

“Gaeullie...are you okay?” He asked her.

“I...I love you,” Gaeul muttered in response. 

Sung Gyu blinked, his heart slowly picking up pace, and his fingers wrapped harder around the fretboard. All this time, he had thought that he would be the first one to say it.

But Gaeul, as always, did not fail to surprise him.

“W-what?” 

“I love you” Gaeul repeated unhesitantly, her eyes brimming with tears. She sobbed hard, lowered her head and wiped her eyes with her sleeves. “Oh god, I’m sorry...I wasn’t supposed to say it out loud…”

Sung Gyu kept holding onto the guitar in his hands, speechless, perplexed, somewhat terrified.

“No” Gaeul continued, now more firmly than before. “Wait. I’m  _ not _ sorry...I should have said it out loud  _ ages ago _ ”

“G-Gaeul…”

“I’m not sorry, because that’s the truth, Sung Gyu. I love you”

Sung Gyu was quiet for a long time, staring at her, unable to find his words. It’s been an unspoken truth between them, that their relationship was something more than friendship, yet with the constriction of becoming something even more. Their distance always kept them apart, although their words and actions, in every sense, carried the very same disposition. He loved her. Sung Gyu knew this too. He loved her more than anything else in the world. And she too, although she’d never said it in many words, although she never acknowledged it, probably did so too. Their distance, their inability to connect further than through a measly cyber line had somehow made them believe and accept that they were nothing more than the friends they pretended to be.

And that terrified him.

That terrified him because he was perhaps also afraid to  _ become _ something more.

“Aren’t you going to...aren’t you going to say anything?” Gaeul finally filled in the silence between them. 

Sung Gyu let out a heavy sigh, ran a hand down his face and kept the guitar aside. He still remained on the coffee table before her.

“But why? Suddenly?” He asked the last thing that came to his mind.

“Why? Suddenly?” Gaeul resonated incredulously. “It’s...it’s not very sudden….I have liked you since I was thirteen” 

Since she was thirteen, perhaps since the first time he kissed her in the school playground to stop her from leaving him, to stop her pulling them apart. Sung Gyu thought he started liking her a lot before then; when they climbed down the lake bank to dip their feet in the cold water, when they made paper boats and watched them disappear down the stream. Whenever she came over during the football season and sulked the whole time until fried chicken and salad arrived. He’d liked her from the very beginning, and the beginning, he didn’t know when. With time, it has only grown, become stronger.

“Me too” Sung Gyu found himself telling her. 

He was surprised by his own bluntness, to be able to admit the truth without hesitation. Gaeul stared up at him, and her eyes started shining again and her lips trembled a little. Gaeul was someone who showed many vivid emotions; she would never hold back. But tearing up, like this, she rarely did; and that itself gave him the strength to continue.

“Me too...I-I liked you….I think…” he lifted his gaze up at her “since forever”

“Then-?” Gaeul seemed to quickly calculate her next move in her mind. All of a sudden, she sat up on her knees and without question, she moved towards him. Recklessly, boldly, Gaeul tried to kiss him.

“Wait” He whispered, immediately stopping her as he laid his hands on her shoulders. His heart was beating so hard that he thought he would die.

“Why?” She asked, her voice smaller than ever before.

With a deep sigh, the weight of the world upon his shoulders, Sung Gyu finally found the courage to look up at her.

“Gaeul, we never really talked about it,” He said.

“About what?”

“About us”

Gaeul fell on her back in defeat. “What is there to talk about?”

“So much more than you think,” he said.

If anything, Sung Gyu did acknowledge his feelings for her; it had been long since he understood how he felt. But one thing that kept him from telling her the truth was this one question that had haunted him since then. He remembered how he’d felt the day he returned home nineteen years ago, when he’d kissed her and still felt that he failed. He kissed her, he showed his love to her, yet that couldn’t keep her from leaving him. People came, people left; that was life. But the pain that parting would leave behind was significant, indescribable. He had wondered myriad times if he should tell her, admit his feelings, write her a song, seal his love for her. But then  _ what? _ He would wonder, thinking back to Kim Gaeul who would be miles and continents away. Kim Gaeul never stayed in one place, couldn’t be with one person. Although she would promise herself to remain at one place at a time, her heart would eventually wander like sails of a ship in the wind. He would tell her that he loved her; but then what? What would they do? What would  _ he _ do? What would _ she  _ do?

“It’s not something we can suddenly jump into, is it?” Sung Gyu told her quietly when it was evident that he had broken her heart. “We’re two different people, Gaeul, from polar opposites of life. We can’t change everything in one night, can we?”

It had started raining outside, and it drizzled heavily through the opened windows. In the moonlight, he could see, for the first time, that tears had stained her cheeks.

“Why not?” She asked him. “Why would it be so hard? Why can’t we just _ try _ ?”

“Maybe we can” He replied and slid off the table as if the proximity could make any difference. “But then what if it doesn’t work out? Are we going to risk everything for that?”

“What do you mean  _ not _ work out?” Gaeul went on. “There is nothing to work out, Sung Gyu, people fall in love all the time, and they care enough to make things work”

“People fall out of love too” He told her.

People fell out of love, and they did for the most ridiculous reasons. He’d seen that happen, how reasons piled up, one after the other; it's either that they couldn’t find time for each other, or that they didn’t like the same things anymore, or that they didn’t feel ready for that challenge anymore. At the end of the day, they will be mere excuses while the truth would haunt their lives like a ghost. They simply weren’t in love anymore. What appeared to be the best decision would hence become their biggest mistake, and everything that they’ve been before would disappear in a heartbeat until they become strangers again.

In a relationship like theirs, Sung Gyu knew; that fall-out, if it happens, would be the end of it all. They were delicate, these feelings. They were as fragile as glass. 

“People fall out of love…” Gaeul started, her voice firm, somehow more solemn than before. “Because they started too early, because they didn’t understand each other, because they just didn’t know better-,”

“And do we?” Sung Gyu intervened. “Do we, Gaeul?”

“We’ve known each other for our whole lives, Sung Gyu” She returned desperately. “I don’t even know where we started, it’s been that long”

“And that’s why I don’t want to take a risk” He made his case.

Gaeul gazed at him for a long time after that, her eyes hopeful, her lips forming the saddest smile. Sung Gyu despised being the one to break her heart, for he had never, for the many years that he had known her. In a life like his where nothing seemed to work out, where everything he did seemed to stand on the edge of a knife, threatening to fall, what he feared the most was losing the most significant person in his life. They’ve been together for so long that he couldn’t imagine his life without her. He’d heard of friendships that lasted forever, lovers that fell apart in matter of days. What if, god forbid, but what if changing the shape of their arrangement altered everything? And what if that would eventually lead them to drift apart?

“I don’t want to lose you,” He told her eventually, taking her hand. “I’ve liked you too, for this long. I don’t know where it started, or when, or how, but I knew that it did-,”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” She pushed on, becoming even more hopeful.

“Because it was much easier that way” He replied. “It was easier to love you that way. Time didn’t matter, the distance didn’t matter...and most importantly, the shape of our relationship didn’t matter. Do you get what I mean? Being distant, being different, none of that mattered when we loved without acknowledging that. And I’d rather keep it that way”

“But why do you think you’d lose me?” Gaeul, her voice so low, barely audible, asked him. 

Sung Gyu refused to respond.

Gaeul, at this point, arranged herself on his favorite carpet so that she sat comfortably and much, much closer to him. “Sung Gyu...I told you didn’t I? I dated many people, many of them, I’ve seen different sides of them, and they’ve seen different sides of  _ me _ . What I realised at that time was that none of them had what I was looking for. I’m not sure what that is; it’s still a mystery to me. But what I do know is that, whatever I was looking for, I have found it in you…” 

Sung Gyu held his breath, and Gaeul bit her lip as she played with his hand in hers.

“Perhaps…” She continued, lifting her gaze. “Perhaps, now that I think of it, what I was trying to find within them  _ was _ you. Your words, your smile, the way that you carried yourself; your worries and fears and how you made me feel…”

The rain had dispersed by then, and they could feel the occasional drizzle from leaves, rustle of trees; and from a far, the sound of the city, still breathing and alive. Sung Gyu gazed into the eyes of the one woman that he loved with his whole heart as he fears held him back, wishing, quietly, that things weren’t the way that they were, that he too, could love her without restrictions, with his whole heart.

“Sung Gyu, If I am to be honest, I’ve thought about it a lot…” Gaeul went on, still holding his hands. “I realise...that I’ve been running all this time. I’ve never been in one place, never done one thing for long, and frankly, I am tired too. I want to stop at some point. Settle down, fall in love, get married, have children and a dog and a house and just...be happy...and whenever I think about these things, I will only and always think about you. Because you’re the one person who’d been with me, this entire time, no matter how much I changed. And so you’re the only way that things make sense to me. If I am to ever stop and settle down in my life, I want to do them with you…”

“Gaeul” He sighed, dragging a hand down his face tiredly. He remained quiet for a while, trying to gather his thoughts. He truthfully didn’t know what he wanted either. Settle down? Marriage? Family? The rate that his life was going now, falling apart with every step he made, all of these things just seemed surreal for him.

“Look at me” He said finally, lifting his hands. “Look at my life. Do you think I’m anywhere close to settling down? I don’t have a job, I don't have a home. My life is in ruins, Gaeul, you deserve so much better than that”

Gaeul stared back at him, stunned, disappointed. “We are not settling down right now, Sung Gyu, at least a start-,”

“I can’t give you hopes of something that would never work out” Sung Gyu reasoned tiredly. “Marriage, a house, stability. They’re never going to be a part of my life. I’ve failed, don’t you see?”

“SungGyu-,”

He finally climbed up on his feet. “I make bad decisions, left and right. Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m doing. Everything I did was timed wrong. My success didn’t go beyond one song that I don't even own anymore and an unstable job that didn’t last five years. I’ve been unemployed for six months, and I don’t even know what to do anymore…” 

He walked towards the french windows, allowed the gentle drizzle to welcome him, cool down the burn in his heart. Now that he thought about it, his life couldn’t get any worse. He couldn’t even sincerely love the woman that he cared about. 

“I make bad decisions, Gaeul. So many of them...and I just don’t want  _ us _ to be one of them”

Gaeul, herself had climbed up on her feet behind him. “You don’t even know what’s coming, Sung Gyu. Why don’t you give yourself a break? Give it another chance? Life is not easy for anyone and-,”

“Things just don’t work that way,” He said.

Gaeul was quiet for a moment, during which, all they could hear was the wind outside. 

“Perhaps, it would help if you left all this negativity behind” She told him in the end.

Sung Gyu somehow knew that she would say that. He just _ knew. _

“Gaeul” He started, his voice somewhat heavier than before. “It isn’t negativity. It’s the reality. Its as real as it can be-,”

“No, you’re just backing away without even trying” Gaeul exclaimed in return. “You are just accepting defeat and walking away. Sung Gyu, people lose jobs, contracts end, dreams will become nightmares, but does it mean you should stop living? Right, you have no job now, but should it stop you from finding another? Did you do anything wrong to  _ not _ find another? Fine, you lost your song. But is that the only song in this whole world that you could write? Why do you think you can’t write the next  _ Spring’s Song _ ? Why do you think everything ended there?”

“Maybe because they did, okay?” Sung Gyu fired in return. “Maybe they did not for you. But for me, they certainly did”

“Jesus” Gaeul hissed under her breath. Her voice was low, yet unrelenting. It was the first time he was seeing her this way, for it was the first time they were arguing like this. Sung Gyu couldn’t believe that their first fight ever started with confessing their love for each other. Perhaps, that itself just showed...as lovers, they just weren’t meant to be. 

“You know what?” Gaeul said, in the end with a note of finality. “I’m tired of arguing about this. Your negativity is exhausting me, Sung Gyu. If you ever, ever think about getting that off your mind, only then come back to me”

Sung Gyu gave it a beat of silence, trying to make sense of her words.

“G-Gaeul?” He then slowly spun around, only to see Gaeul traversing the narrow hall towards the front door. Something broke and ripped open in his heart, and seeing her going away like that, he suddenly couldn’t breathe anymore.

“Gaeul...where are you going?”

“Home, where else?” She replied coldly, trying to pull her shoes on underneath the too large sweats she wore.

“Like this? Right now?”

“Yes” She sighed, still struggling with her shoes. “I just can't stand you”

Sung Gyu went quiet at that, his heart constricting and in so much pain. He must have hurt her, he must have hurt her so much to the point that she wanted to flee.

“But it's late,” He said. “You should...you should just stay...tonight”

“Stay?” She breezed out, stern and in disbelief. “You just rejected me and now you want me to stay?”

“I didn’t” He unhesitantly replied. “I just said...I didn’t want to change anything”

“I don’t understand Sung Gyu…I don’t understand what you even want anymore” She had somehow pulled both her shoes on, and she looked kind of ridiculous to be walking outside in ill fitting clothes, her hair still wet and her hands hidden beneath sleeves too long. But Gaeul wasn’t someone that could be stopped easily once she had set her mind onto something.

Just like it was in trying to make her stop acknowledging her feelings for him, just like it was to change her mind. 

“You don’t have to,” he told her, stepping over the threshold towards her. “We...we had a tough night, tonight. So just stay. I’ll be out of your hair for a while and then maybe we can...maybe we can regroup”

“Is there even a point?”

“There probably isn’t”

“There’s your answer” Gaeul replied, now in a final, final note, and reached for the door,

“Gaeul, don’t go like that” He called after her. As he stepped closer and closer towards her, uncertainty started to grow. Something had indefinitely shifted within him at that moment. For the second time in his life, Gaeul was about to go away. And it felt eerily similar to the very first time from nineteen years ago. The previous conversations began to make no sense at that point, because Sung Gyu, more than anything, wanted Kim Gaeul to stay with him. 

Gaeul opened the door, and a cold rush of spring wind seeped in.

“Gaeul, please” He pleaded as his heart completely changed. Gaeul paused by the door, her back to him, her hand keeping the door open, perhaps contemplating her next move.

“Just stay for tonight” He said, and paused, just a few feet away from her. Gaeul didn’t respond this time, quietly allowing the time to pass between them. Memories from their last parting flashed through his mind, and he closed his eyes as his heart started to beat harder than ever before. 

“Is there anything...anything that I could do to make you stay?”

Gaeul turned her head the slightest, and for a moment, he thought he saw a ghost of a smile on her lips.

“Anything?” She asked him.

“Anything,” He replied.

He could see her clearly now. Gaeul was smiling, this mysterious little smile that spoke louder than her words would.

“Then...you know what to do”

That was the truth, as outrageous that it may be right now. Sung gyu knew exactly what he should do. He closed his eyes and counted to three in his mind, mentally preparing himself. It was much easier when he was only thirteen. Now he felt like he was walking on eggshells. Within seconds, Sung Gyu closed the few steps of the gap between them, and boldly, unhesitantly, naturally as ever, he turned her around, cupped her face in his hands, moved closer and kissed her on her lips.

  
  


Once upon a time, Kim Sung Gyu fell in love with a girl who believed in second chances. Her name was of the fall although she had the brilliance of warmest summers, although she stole his heart in a spring. She had an extraordinary amount of positive energy that could bloom million flowers; that could light up the entire sky. She was a girl who never believed in failure. One fall off the bicycle was a chance to dust her knees off and try to ride it again, one failed test was just a god given opportunity to study harder, work better, one rejected confession was to love harder, love better, follow wherever her heart’s calling happened to be. He’d seen her fall, only to climb back and smile and never accept defeat but try again. She’d seen him fall, only for her to not let him accept defeat himself. She had chosen to love him despite everything; warmly, intensely, beautifully. And for that, he loved her more.

When he finally kissed her, after so many years, he found himself being carried back in time. He remembered the humidity in the wind from that day, the sound of creaking swings and kids’s laughter, the dust on their skin and in his eyes. He remembered the feel of her hair running between his fingers and that sweet fruity scent of her skin. He remembered her soft gasp, the sound of her uneven breath, the delicate lashes of her eyes as she kept them closed the entire time. She wasn’t much different from back then tonight; the feel of her lips, the sound of her breath and her hair in his fingers felt exactly the same. Instead of the sweet fruity scent, her skin smelt more like himself, and most importantly, instead of remaining frozen in response, Gaeil sincerely reacted to him, kissing him back matching the same intensity as himself. Time seemed to have stopped for a while; the entire world around them nothing but a blur. It felt like forever before he finally pulled away. By then, their arrangement had shifted completely, and somehow they stood somewhere in between friends and lovers, that thin line slowly beginning to disperse. Gaeul gazed up at him, and he thought he saw his whole world within her eyes. She ran her hands up his chest, caressed his cheek gently with her knuckles and smiled.

Sung Gyu didn’t realise that he’d been holding his breath the entire time.

“That wasn’t so hard, now, was it?” She asked him, her voice trembling slightly as the door remained open, allowing the cold air inside.

“You totally fooled me into this” He whispered in response.

Gaeul’s fingers danced lazily upon his neck, cold against his warm skin. “Did it work?”

“I guess it did”

“Hmm” Gaeul put her arms around his neck, and elevating herself on her toes, she peppered him with little butterfly kisses. 

“You’re cold” She muttered in between.

“That’s because you left the door open”

Gaeul just laughed in response as she continued to hold onto him. His arms naturally wrapped around her waist, holding her in place. Everything felt natural for him; the curve of her waist beneath his palms, the feel of her lips, the warmth of her skin. He couldn’t understand now why he’d feared this all just a few minutes ago. She was right, it was so easy. They just had to acknowledge what they felt as they’ve already been in this frame since they were thirteen. The transition, simply, was keeping one step ahead.

“Were you really going to leave just now?” He asked her when she moved away.

“Before you kissed me?”

His cheeks warmed up upon her bluntness, yet he nodded in response.

She laughed, shaking her head. “I’m a lot of things but not dumb, Sung Gyu”

Sung Gyu stared at her in return. “But-,”

“I knew you’d come around” She said. Her voice had become gentler, perhaps more sincere than before. When she gazed up at him, he felt that warmth, that comfort beckoning him, engulfing him in her embrace. Perhaps, there was a lot more to it than he imagined, in her feelings for him, in what this new arrangement had to offer. Perhaps it wasn’t something brief and delicate as he had always imagined. Perhaps it was a connection that would keep grounded and protected than ever before.

“Sung Gyu…” She moved towards him, closing the brief gap between them. She took his face in between her palms, and Sung Gyu found himself melting upon her touch. “I understand how you feel, and I don’t blame you…” She sighed, caressing his cheeks. “It’s been really hard, hasn’t it? You’ve gone through so much. I’m sorry...for not understanding you, for not seeing it clearly. But I also want to tell you how incredibly proud I am for how far you’ve come…”

“Gaeul…” He muttered, feeling a tight knot in his throat. She smiled at him the gentlest, moved in and brushed her lips past his own.

“You have survived, no matter how difficult it has been. I can’t even imagine myself…” She trailed off, pressed her lips together and shook her head. “...I think...I think what I’m trying to tell you is that you don’t have to do this alone anymore. You don’t have to battle it alone. You will do it with me. You lost  _ Spring’s song _ ? Fine, let’s write another. You’ve lost all hope? It’s okay...let's find hope again...together…”

She sobbed loudly, her eyes gleaming like stars, “Do you understand what I mean?”

Sung Gyu nodded, unable to find a word in response. Perhaps he’d been wrong the entire time. Accepting the truth wouldn’t have hurt them. Accepting the truth probably wouldn’t result in them drifting apart. Sung Gyu was still unconvinced for the most part, still terrified beyond words. But one thing was slowly starting to get clearer; that he was somehow willing to give it a chance.

  
  


It was her who moved in first when they kissed again. She was gentle, so soft; a kiss that felt so much as a promise to him. It was the kind of a kiss that gave him hope, the kind of a kiss which spoke in multitudes, everything that she couldn’t possibly put into words. Her arms wrapped tightly around his neck, her fingers entangled in his hair, breathing him in. He held her closer, feeling every inch of her being as they melded into each other; it felt as if they'd been puzzle pieces, aimlessly floating about until tonight when they finally fell in place.

He managed to finally close the front door as it let too much cold air inside and held her trapped against it and himself. Their intimate moment had naturally intensified, and he was beginning to see her in a different light. Soon, he was acutely aware of the taste of her lips, her fingers leaving a warm trail across his skin. He breathed in his own cologne off her which he found to be strangely attractive. When he kissed her again, it was stronger and bolder than ever before. He hadn’t even realised it that he’d lifted her off her feet.

“That was…” She muttered breathlessly as he moved away. She ran her fingers down the side of his face, down his neck, lingered on his collar a little longer. Sung Gyu tested their boundaries at that moment, moved closer and kissed her long on her neck. 

Soon, they were shifting themselves to his beat old sofa, picking up from right where they stopped. They kissed, they hugged, they held each other; they felt each other's skin boldly, unhesitantly, completely aware of the direction they were heading. At some point Gaeul had him trapped underneath her, kissing him slowly, her lips tracing his skin. He closed his eyes, reveled in her touch as his own desire raised in multitudes.

She pulled away from him, all of a sudden, as his hands fell away from her waist beneath her clothes .

“What?” he gasped. He realised that they haven’t spoken a word all the while, and suddenly he doubted if this was the point where they stopped.

Yet Gaeul didn’t fail to surprise him again. She, without a word, reached for her phone that was lying on the coffee table behind, and he stared at her, confused, as her face lightened up by its screen. 

“Eleven fifty eight” She mumbled to herself and tossed the phone back to where it was.

“Huh?” 

Gaeul took his face in both her hands and smiled before kissing him again. “Happy Birthday, Kim Sung Gyu” She whispered then, his lips in sync with hers. “And congratulations; you’re getting laid tonight”

Before he could even say anything in response, Gaeul moved back, her feet still trapping him underneath, reached for the hem of her sweater and pulled it over her head.

And that was the moment, he realised, as their night indefinitely took a completely unexpected turn that their arrangement had altered its shape forever. 

  
  
  
  


It was somewhere past five in the morning when the sun began to rise. Days were longer in the spring, and the sun stayed out for too long. The start of the day was always dull, with the sky remaining a shade of lavender as the rest of the world took time to stir alive. Outside, through the parted curtains, Sung Gyu could see the uninvited tenant cat walking along the short wall, stretching its limbs. It had rained again; the cool air still smelled like damp earth and cherry blossoms. If it was any other day, Sung Gyu would have turned over, thrown his quilt over his head and gone back to sleep. But today, everything was different. Today, Sung Gyu had the love of his life snuggly lying in his arms.

He had laid awake for a while, watching the sun rise, watching as the dusk turned into dawn. The whole time, his mind hadn’t been in peace. He found himself thinking about so many things. He thought of himself, he thought of her, he thought of themselves, of how things have changed, of where they were now. He thought of the Spring’s Song, of sand castles, of his lost dream that he was certain he would never live again. He thought of what he had become now, and what direction his life would take him. Things were going to be different from this point, he knew. Thinking back to the events of the previous night, Sung Gyu eventually came to accept that things weren’t exactly how he thought them to be. The world didn’t despise him, and Spring’s Song hadn’t been only his all along. His life hadn’t stopped at any point, and most importantly, he was ready, more than ever, to love Kim Gaeul, with every single breath he had.

She was sound asleep in his arms, her skin warm upon his own, their feet tangled together, her hair spread out behind her and his fingers gently threading through them, deep in thought. 

“Sung Gyu…?” Gaeul’s voice called him out huskily at some point, and he glanced down with a smile.

“Hm?”

“Aren’t you sleeping?”

He sighed. “I’m thinking…”

She appeared mildly interested as she narrowed her eyes at him. “About?”

Sung Gyu hesitated for a moment, staring up at the mismatched patterns on his roof. “I think I want to give it a try”

“A try?” She blinked. “At what?”

“Us” He told her, turned to his side and cradled her in his arms. “I want to give  _ us _ a try”

Gaeul, for a moment, appeared confused. “Haven’t we already?”

He looked down at her hand which had snaked up to lay on his chest and he smiled. “Well, I guess we have”

“Come here, you’re being ridiculous” She mumbled sleepily, moved closer and snuggled further into his chest. Her hand patted gently on his arm, gradually drifting away. “Sleep...sleep now”

That morning for the first time in years, Sung Gyu saw Gaeul in broad daylight for real. He saw the light tan on her skin, the little scars, edges and contours, the tiny imperfections that he had never seen on her before. Her hair wasn’t just black as he’d seen earlier. It glowed a little in crimson towards the end. Her lashes were long, curled delicately upon the apples of her cheeks. Even as she slept, not a smile on her lips, a little depression had formed above her cheeks. For the first time in years, Kim Sung Gyu was seeing the love of his life in broad daylight, and he couldn’t possibly love her more.

“Is this how you look when you sleep?” Sung Gyu found himself muttering, mostly to himself, as he ran his hand through her hair, but she responded by looking at him, opening just one eye. “So pretty” He told her without hesitating once. 

Gaeul opened both her eyes, stared at him for the longest time, and then, without even a warning she burst out in laughter, burying her face in his chest.

When he gazed down at her, what Sunggyu came to realize was that Gaeul was the exact embodiment of the spring. She was cherry petals in the spring, delicate and beautiful, she was their scent in the breeze. She was raindrops and dew on edges of leaves; she was of beauty and new beginnings, she was the start of something beautiful, and despite being named after the wrong season, Spring’s Songs couldn’t have been more befitting for her.

“You know what?” So Sunggyu started as her laughter morphed into quietness.

“Hm?” She sleepily lifted her head.

“It isn’t mine. Spring’s song, I mean”

“It isn’t?” Gaeul returned, appearing surprised. 

“It isn’t” Sunggyu nodded, running his hand through her hair. 

“But why?” She pushed on, widening her eyes. Seeing her expression, Sung Gyu imagined that she was convinced of something along the line of plagiarism. He couldn’t help the smile forming on his lips.

“Because Gaeul, it’s yours. I wrote it for you” He told her before she could foster her wrong idea.

“For me?” She echoed incredulously. 

“For you”

“But why?”

Sunggyu smiled and lied back, contemplating the reason himself. “I don’t know, I just did” He laughed, turned to face her and rubbed his nose against hers. She was cold despite having been under the sheets for long. “You really ask too many questions”

Gaeul scoffed and mockingly pushed him away from her. “What the hell, I honestly thought you were taking credit for someone’s work here”

Sung Gyu burst out in laughter. “I thought you would”

Silence ensued for a moment afterwards, and outside he could hear the mingle of the city; people were finally stepping out of their warm cocoons, heading to work, to school; behind their sombre faces hiding so many dreams. Just like himself, there were many musicians residing in this street. There was a pair of brothers who were usually seen traversing the road, taking the steps up to their apartment with guitars hung on their backs. Somewhere to the east of their block was a girl who always sang her lungs out from the balcony or the rooftop, which was often heard on lazy weekend evenings. Sung Gyu, felt comfortable in their presence, as he too belonged in that world. That morning, as Gaeul lied warmly in his embrace, he listened to the sound of his world coming alive, his hand drawing odd patterns on her back.

Gaeul’s hand was on his chest, playing with his fingers, drifting in and out of sleep.

“This ring” She said, her fingers tracing the chrome band on his own. “I can’t believe you’re still wearing it”

“And I can’t believe that you’re not” He replied, glancing down at her. 

She was quiet for a moment, her eyes closed, perhaps, lost in her own thoughts. Her hand tightened around his own, and Gaeul let out a heavy sigh.

“I put it away” she said, and when he glanced at her as something heavy settled in his heart, he saw her gazing up at the roof above. “It’s...it’s been a while” There was a small, regretful chuckle before she finally turned to him. “There weren’t many reasons, really...it’s just…”

Sung Gyu remained quiet, allowing her to continue. “Well…” She sighed again, looked up at him and gave him a sad little smile. “For some reason, it gave me hope...about so many things. And these hopes sometimes felt...superficial, you know. There was this time we were apart? Back then, I remember, I had so many thoughts about you. You filled my mind. And the ring just gave them meaning and somewhat unrealistic expectations…”

Sung gyu’s hand was caressing her arm, slowly, lovingly. She turned her head, towards him and he kissed her gently on her head. They were slowly easing into it, talking about things that they never wanted to talk about.

“Unrealistic expectations about what?” Sung Gyu finally asked her.

“About us” She replied. “I know it sounds quite silly...given that we’re here now. But there was a point where I thought that we would never meet again. That we’d finally give up on what we were doing…”

Sung Gyu felt a heavy weight in his heart, for he had felt the same for very long . As time passed and their lives changed, their parting appeared almost inevitable. Their paths have diverted by then, as they both became completely different people, pursuing completely different dreams. As supportive as they tried to be for one another, it was evident that their individual interests were different, that there was hardly anything that connected them to each other except for their friendship and the need to have it going. Sung Gyu, even then, was still deeply in love with her, despite their contradictory lives. He used to live in a bigger apartment, riding off his new found popularity, a completely different life. There had been times, he wouldn’t deny, that Gaeul did feel incredibly far away. He’d felt like she no longer belonged there. There just wasn’t a spot big enough to fit her in, in this new life he had. Sung Gyu hated that he probably had her, back then for his convenience, despite loving her, as a comfort to run to. But it did increasingly change when all he had to depend on was her.

And he was glad, beyond words, that he had held onto that tiny string of hope, not once letting their relationship go for that whole time.

“Would you have given up?” Sung Gyu asked her, more of an afterthought to his own train of contemplations.

Gaeul took a while to mull over her response. “I might have…” She sighed. “...if it got too difficult. I don’t remember much from that time, except that that time was really hard for me, and you just felt so far away. But I still had these strange thoughts of the day when we’d finally meet in person, how the meeting would be, what we would tell each other...then I’d feel that they’d never happen…”

“Unrealistic expectations” He muttered and kissed her on her shoulder.

“Hmm”

“But it did happen,” Sung Gyu said, now slightly moving away. “Was it anything like what you imagined?”

Her eyes, once again, seemed to lighten up. “I thought you’d see me at the airport” She mused gleefully. “Waiting with a bunch of roses and a board that said my name...but then you’d mistake me for somebody else, and you’d sweep them off their feet and kiss them, all the while I watched you from the sidelines, you embarrassing yourself”

Sung Gyu realised that he’d been mentally picturing the entire scenario in his mind.

“No” he laughed. “But that would have been fun”

“Which part?”

“Kissing a random girl part”

She pouted and smacked him on his chest.

“But really…” She continued after a while, her hand mindlessly caressing him. “What if we did drift apart somehow? What if we became strangers? Not be there for each other again? That’s what scared me the most. I don’t know what changed and how we found each other again, but I’m-,”

“Hey” Sung Gyu interrupted her, stopping her in her thoughts. His hand reached for hers that laid on his chest and he tangled their fingers together, like a quiet little promise. “Gaeul...things happen, people change...even right now everything is uncertain; but we’re here tonight, isn’t it?”

“We are” She smiled.

“And that’s what matters” Sung Gyu replied, pulling her closer to him. He kissed her temple, closed his eyes as her gentle warmth enclosed him. He wished he could hold her like this forever, as long their lives last. He didn’t know how long that would be, or how long it was until she had to leave, until they parted ways again. But he did know that he still had tonight, this moment, to kiss her, hold her, love her. And Sung gyu couldn’t possibly ask for more.

“You can find the ring again” Sung Gyu told her after a while as their silence lasted for too long. “They’re probably not unrealistic expectations anymore”

“It’s in Canada” Gaeul muttered, her voice muffled against him.

He sighed heavily, closing his eyes as the morning sun landed point blank upon him. 

“Never mind, doesn’t matter…”

“We can get a new pair” She suggested helpfully.

“It isn’t the same”

There was silence.

“I can wear it when I get back”

Sung Gyu slowly pulled away. “Would you?”

“I will...and I will come back for you too, so the rings can reunite like we would”

Sung Gyu scoffed in response. “That’s stupid”

“But you love me” Gaeul muttered, her voice doused with sleep.

“You’re right” Sung Gyu agreed, smiling to himself. “I do”

  
  
  


They drifted back into sleep that morning, and for the first time in a while, he had a dream. He dreamed of himself, of Gaeul, of how their fateful meeting after nineteen years should have been. Of himself carrying flowers and kissing a girl; but only, the girl was still her. Likewise, Sung Gyu and Gaeul had three more nights together at a stretch. Gaeul checked out from her hotel in Gangnam and moved into his stuffy old apartment for the time being. While they stayed together, Sung Gyu taught her how to make his infamous abalone ramyun and how to put some decent bibimbap together. He took her for spicy jampyeong and proved himself wrong when he too ultimately had tears in his eyes. They travelled around in Seoul during the day, walked the busy streets hand in hand, telling tales and laughing and at times sharing an odd little kiss when nobody was watching. One night, they visited the infamous roses in Dongdaemun, another they put up a love lock in Namsan tower which he thought was silly and superfluous. That night, they returned home and had bear bombs on the rooftop until it started to drizzle again; it was raining so hard by the time they got down, and they were laughing and holding hands. He looked at her, held her face, saw stars in her eyes and thought;  _ this is life _ . He then kissed her, tenderly, lovingly under the cloudburst and tasted rain on her lips.

They made love afterwards, and he sang that he loved her in her ears later on. They sat together among the covers, holding each other and watched the rain flooding Sung Gyu’s muddy little garden as they talked about life. They woke up with a bad cold the next day, but that was fine. Because for the first time ever, he found Gaeul cooking in the kitchen, burning eggs and spilling coffee and everything; and something more.

He had just exited the shower, his hair still damp and nose a little runny, a towel resting on his shoulders when he heard his phone ringing incessantly on his nightstand. He had to remove a few articles of cloth to find it under the mess, and when he did, it was a number that he couldn’t recognise.

He didn’t get many calls these days; except for his distraught mother, Gaeul or a few other friends. He allowed the phone to ring for a few minutes, allowed it to die down and was duly surprised when it started ringing again, displaying the same number. If it was once, it could have been a mistake. But seeing that it was ringing once more-,

Sung Gyu picked up the call, held it to his ear and held his breath.

A heavy weight laid on his shoulders, and was lifted and soon he felt weightless like he was about to fly again. His hand gripped the phone tightly in his hand, trying to absorb the words into his mind. It didn’t sound real, not at all. But strangely, it actually was.

“This is from Space Bohemian, we’re an entertainment agency” The deep yet pleasant voice spoke from the other end. Sung Gyu’s hand started to tremble; from surprise or excitement, he couldn’t tell.

“Is this Kim Sung Gyu we’re speaking to?”

“It-it is me” Sung Gyu stammered in response.

“Well…” The voice from the other end started, and as Sung Gyu listened quietly, his feet almost giving away underneath, they told him about the most outrageous, the most unbelievable tale that he had ever heard. 

  
  
  


They say that life was like a series of moments strung together like a bead of strings. It wouldn’t be complete with one less of a bead, they say. The beads would complete the string; likewise, moments, good or bad, were what made life, life.

When Sung Gyu sang one song that had changed his life that night, he hadn’t expected yet another whirlwind. The first time, Spring’s song had swept him off his feet, put him on the top of the world, let him for once live his dream. It became his lifeline, the reason and meaning behind his whole being. He thought that one song defined him, made him the person that he had become. When Sung Gyu lost it, naturally, his entire life fell apart. It was like a glass structure, built upon a foundation that he’d thought was steady, only until it was pulled out from right beneath his feet. The glass structure had collapsed, destroying him, trapping him underneath. Yet not once, did he think that it would come to rescue him again.

Sung Gyu walked out of his bedroom, his phone in his hand, feeling like a different person altogether. He felt like he was born again, floating two feet off the ground. His house seemed awfully bright, cherry blossoms a tad more pinker than he remembered. Even the champagne fur of the cat that never paid rent appeared strangely breathtaking. Sung Gyu had opened his eyes to a new life.

And amidst of it all was Gaeul, wasting the remainder of the grocery he had, an ethereal being that made the impossible possible in his life.

“Gaeul” And so he called her.

“Hm?” She turned around. She was in yet another one of his hoodies, only the hoodie, and she had a spatula in one hand. The whole kitchen smelled like burnt egg, but that didn’t even matter.

“Is everything okay?” She asked him, taking a step forward, concerned. “You look a little pale”

“No,” he simply replied.

“No?” She reiterated worriedly.

He lifted his phone in the air. “I...I just got a call from somebody…”

“And?” She prodded on.

“It’s an entertainment agency,” he continued.

Gaeul was speechless for a moment. She could only call his name.

“And they wanted me to sign with them”

“What?”

He couldn’t blame the surprise in her voice. He couldn’t believe it himself. He recalled the story that he’d been told, what had led them to this moment where they actually wanted to sign him in; without auditions, without demos and training and everything that entailed. 

“They want me to sign with them, Gaeul...an exclusive contract, right away” His voice was breaking and there were tears in his eyes.

“But...how? Did you send a demo?”

Sung Gyu shook his head.

“Then?”

He took a step forward, picked up his phone and loaded the video that he’d been sent. Sung Gyu himself didn’t know that it existed, but it did. It was a recording from the day he last sang Spring’s Song on his birthday with the indie band with a ridiculous name and Gaeul tunelessly dancing along. He could vividly remember that night; it hadn’t been long since then. Strange how life could change in a matter of minutes. Many days before that night, he wouldn’t have met Gaeul again, they wouldn’t have done this together, they wouldn’t have loved. But now…

“Oh….” Gaeul raised her hands as if she could hold the virtual moment in her hands. “Oh my god...Sung Gyu…” She lifted her head and stared at him for a second. Then much to his surprise, she let out an excited little scream and ran right into his arms.

“Oh god, oh my god, I’m so happy”

Sung Gyu gathered her into his arms and swept her right off her feet. She was a gentle weight, her eyes shining, her words incoherent as she exclaimed her excitement. He twirled her around, and she was laughing, her arms were around him, and for once, he was on the top of the world again.

“I can’t believe it” She said breathlessly as he set her on the ground again. “Did they really want to sign you because of that? Because of the video?”

“Beats me” He sighed, putting his hands on his hips. He recalled the conversation that they had which sounded nothing but ridiculous and surreal. He had heard many stories of idols who were scouted in unlikely circumstances. But he was not a new and upcoming singer. He was a washed up idol, someone who had failed a first attempt and discarded. How could a measly street performance of someone like himself catch the attention of an entire agency.

“There are nearly million views, Sung Gyu” Gaeul told him. He didn’t even realise that she’d snatched the phone from his hands. The quiet house was filled with the audio of him singing, the band playing and the flamboyant cheers of the crowd. It was titled; ‘Kim Sung Gyu takes the stage again, one last time’

It was the truth. When he terminated the contract, he didn’t even have a farewell performance. He had signed off the papers, taken one last glance at the room he’d practiced in, written songs in, recorded in, had his endless supply of instant coffee on long, sleepless nights. He had said goodbye to them quietly, reminisced how he’d never see them again. But now, that all seemed so far away. He had folded an all new chapter in life.

“How...how was it possible?” Sung Gyu asked, more from himself. “I mean, it’s-it wasn’t even a great performance-,”

“Miracle” Gaeul said, interrupting him. He was standing against the kitchen cabinet, and so she stepped forward and trapped him between the cabinet and herself. “But they don’t exist” She smiled.

Sung Gyu opened his mouth to respond, but she beat him to it. “It’s because the song was a legacy, Sung Gyu. People loved it, the world loved it. And you made it, so the world loved you…”

She put her hands around him and laid her head on his chest, leaving him speechless. 

“You’re talented, You worked so hard, although you never had the right opportunities. You have it now, so seize it, Sung Gyu. You’d find yourself again”

Sung Gyu didn’t even realise that there was moisture in his eyes. “Gaeullie…”

“What are you going to do now?” She lifted her head and asked him.

“What else?” He said, caressing her head with a smile. “I guess I’m going to sing again”

  
  
  


It was strange how one’s life could change in a matter of days. A week ago, he wouldn’t have even imagined standing in front of a building where he’d sing again, hopes and dreams clutched in his hands. A week ago, he wouldn’t have imagined he’d find love again, but there he was, the love of his life on the other end of the phone call, hundreds of miles away. 

Gaeul could only stay a week in Seoul due to work responsibilities, which she had to return to after the brief yet blissful time they spent together. They would speak on the phone everyday, still, and she would often video call him and unlike most last time they would have a stronger and much longer conversation, exploring into their lives. Sung Gyu sometimes feared if it would end up the way he thought it would, if they would start to fade away. He’d heard many tales about long distance relationships, how those worked and how they seemed to dissolve like snow in the rain. Having been friends for long, and now as lovers, losing Gaeul would be Sung Gyu’s biggest weakness. He could lose a job, he could lose even a song, he had told her. But he wouldn’t survive for the life of him if he were to lose her.

Gaeul of course laughed it off, saying that it was unlikely that she’d find another him anywhere else in the world, and he sure hoped it would stay that way.

“Before you go in” Gaeul started, from the other end of the phone. “Does the place look shady?”

He narrowed his eyes against the sun as he scrutinized the structure before him. It wasn’t a huge building, but it was located in a nice, much quieter part in Hongdae so it had to be good. “And it looks like it does give enough shade,” Sung Gyu told her.

“Not that, silly” She laughed, the sound reminding him of wedding chimes. “Are there like, people around? How do they look?”

There weren’t many people around, save for those walking the street and the security. He told her that.

“But shouldn’t there be like, fans and stuff?”

“You watch too many dramas” He laughed in response. “Relax...it isn’t an idol entertainment agency. They do mostly people like me...just singers”

“So no crazy rabid fangirls trying to punch holes in your tyre for having a girlfriend?” 

He turned away from the building and laughed. “No, I'm pretty sure there would be nobody trying to kill you” he looked across the road, just in case. There was nobody except for the people visiting a cafe nearby and tourists at odd occasions. None that looked like people who’d punch holes in a tyre. Then he added, as an afterthought. “Nobody would try to kill someone who’s currently in a forest”

Gaeul laughed in response. She was an environmentalist, so for her latest research she had to be in a forest in Guatemala, analysing the behavioral patterns of certain plants during a particular season or something along the line. He didn’t know that plants had behavior too, and often liked to loudly entertain his mental image of her dressed nerdy like a teacher and asking plants to behave well. Although she did get mad at him for saying that, she tried to explain to him her scope of work the best she could. His favorite part of it, however, was when she spoke in this stern voice with scientific terms which he found extremely attractive. He would miss her so much at that point; miss kissing her, holding her and loving her.

But there was always, always the promise from her to return to him again. 

At that moment too, she didn’t forget to remind him, promise him, yet again. “Fine but when I’m back, if some creepy fangirl try to murder me for holding your hand in instagram photos, I’ll take it that you lied to me”

Sung Gyu laughed again, turned to the building, looked up and buried his hand in his pocket. “Gaeullie, I think I better go on now”

He had his meeting with the director at eleven in the morning, and it was already ten minutes before the time. The CEO of the company was not just one but a group of people, a band called NELL whom he’d listened to when he was much younger and loved very much too. As they themselves started off as an indie band, they’ve told him that they found it easier to give him his second journey, which they promised would last much longer. He had high hopes on them and for some reason, a very positive outlook too.

Gaeul would have loved to hear that.

“Okay, prep time, darling,” Gaeul said, interrupting his train of thoughts. “How do you feel?”

“Good” he nodded.

“Are you nervous? Do you feel-do you feel like, jitters?”

“Jitters?” he echoed. “No”

“Okay” Gaeul breathed. “And then what about-,”

It was evident that Gaeul was freaking out as much as he was. It must be difficult for her, being in a different time zone, a different place, not being able to see him in person. So he gently called her name.

“Gaeullie, listen, i am going to be fine, okay?”

This time, her voice sounded very small when she replied. “Are you sure?”

“Absolutely” He smiled. “In fact, I feel excited, I feel like this is actually going to work out”

“I...I like that. That thought” She replied rather tenderly.

“And I like  _ you, _ ” He replied.

“Geese don't be like that” She laughed, yet certainly touched by his gesture. He didn’t say it in person a lot. He wasn’t much of an affectionate person himself. And for that same reason, Gaeul seemed to treasure it so much whenever he said that, in a very special way.

“Now go on in” She said at the end, sounding excited. “And, if you had to give them an original, what would it be?”

“Closer,” He said.

“Closer?” She echoed in response. “Is that a piece I’ve heard before?” 

Sung gyu had sung her many different originals so far, but this particular song held a very special place in his heart.

“Yes…” He smiled, recalling that first day. “You know, on my birthday, and you made me sing and you said-,”

Gaeul hated being reminded of that day, especially as she felt embarrassed by everything that happened. But SUng Gyu would always treasure that moment, for it was a moment of epiphany for him, a moment of truth, the moment his life started again.

“That’s what you ended up calling it?”

“Yup.” He nodded again. “Why, don’t you like it?”

“I like it” She replied softly. “I like it a lot”

When he thought of it now, it would be the song that would hold them together while Spring’s Song would be their start. It was funny how their lives were mostly defined by his songs, which gave so much more meaning to them. Whenever he would sing ‘Closer’ from that point on, Sung Gyu would naturally think of her. He would think of how much he earned for her to be close to him; not only by heart but by person too. He’d think of how much he missed her and how much he wanted to kiss her and hold her again. 

Sung Gyu didn’t think, as he finally stepped into the building that day, that he would make another ‘Spring’s song’ again. He wouldn’t want a piece that would rise like wildfire for once, only for it to begin to lose value and disperse. He wanted to make music for soul, music that people could sing and listen to for a very, very long time. Perhaps. He would make a song for the brilliance of summer, or the autumn in his life. He wouldn’t know how long it would last, or how much they would be loved. But for once, Sung Gyu wanted to hope and dream again, make this new chapter in his life simply more worthwhile.

And as always, he wanted to do it all along with her.

Words couldn’t describe how much Gaeul meant to him. They say that you would meet one person in life who’d change your life forever. Who’d give it purpose and meaning, a reason to continue on being alive. Gaeul was that for him. She defined him, she gave him life. Sung Gyu had feared, much earlier, that if they were ever to be together, they’d naturally drift apart. It was bound to happen; this he knew too. But he also knew that they didn’t have to let it happen as well. 

Relationships were this fragile little things. Broken once, their shape would be lost forever. But with time, patience and commitment, by understanding that they weren’t supposed to be perfect, this wasn’t supposed to be perfect, they could make it stronger, keep the shape intact. Sung Gyu didn’t know what their future was going to be, or what it held in store for them. But what he did know at that point, however, was that he was going to protect them, he was going to hold onto them forever, no matter what vile turn that life would take. 

There was nobody else that he’d rather be. Nobody else he’d rather be with. The one who gave his life meaning and second chances was her. The one who gave life to Spring’s Song was her. And now, close to her, to her heart, to their love was the only place he’d rather be. 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  



End file.
